The AVA Chronicles – Episode 3 – It takes 2 to tard
“I don’t know Pacman, the engines on these babies are irritating” said Tex as they strolled towards the Spit 1’s parked on the runway. “I mean, the 109s can dive away and go way faster in a zoom climb, not to mention the 110s pummel us to death from miles away” “Don’t worry Tex” Pacman replied “Dicho is flying Axis at the moment, he couldn’t hit the side of Bug’s beer gut at 10 feet, besides, with all the turn that these spitfires have, we should easily be able to defeat these dumbarse luftdweebs, the only problem I have is I only have one duffle bag full of rocks, im going to need a few more if I will have any chance of killing someone” “what about the 303.s?” “Nah, Im just gonna rearm to get more rocks, they will do more damage and have a greater muzzle velocity, it’s called my throwing arm” “you have a valid point Pacman” “I know don’t I? I mean seriously, I peed in Jaeger’s centerline fuel tank this morning, and his engine worked fine when CAP tested it, but when I fire a machine gun at an enemy plane’s cockpit. He keeps right on flying” “He is definitely using Chuck Norris hair as a cockpit insulation liner” “Speak shiit you do not Tex”.
A swift clandestine movement behind the two aviators got their attention. “You hear that Tex?” Pacman said holding his left hand in the halt signal “yeah I did, what is it?” replied Texican “I don’t know, that’s why Im looking moron”. A deep, slow, slightly depressed sounding voice came from behind them. “Hey guys” the pair in sheer alarm whipped round and their eyes beheld the speaker. Long black hair, black flying suit, with a Bring Me The Horizon shirt and obvious signs of bodily harm. Dead pale and cold stare came hand in hand with this figure, but to all of the pilots their reaction was one and the same. “Oh, hey Shifty, how’s your wallowing in the self loathing and listening to your IPod on full?” said Pacman smiling “Its ok I guess, but I can’t decide between flying for Allied and flying for Axis man, it’s like totally retarded” “Seriously shifty, it depends whether or not you want to fly spits or 109s” “nah man its a lot deeper than that dude, its lyk (emo speak) the spitfire is pink, my expression of my feminine side’s freedom and how im all cool with the gays and their marriage and shiz, but the 109 is like black and represents the deep pit of sadness and horror that resides in my cold emotionless heart which is discombobulated to a degree that my own self loathing cannot purge it from my tortured soul”. Silence reigned for a good several minutes as Texican and Pacman just stood in sheer amazement, but Pacman eventually spoke “Sooooo you want to fly Axis? Cause Axis is for queers who can’t make up their minds, and FYI, it’s the other side of the water” “So what like, you want me to fly the 109s with the black and shiznit for reals?” “Yeah man, it will be cool, though the way you dress and act makes me think I need to load silver bullets in my 303’s. Im waiting for you to sparkle so I have an excuse to do the world a favor and pull a buffy or Van Helsing” “whateva guys youse are weird”. And with that Shifty walked off, as Pacman and Tex turned to their spitfires and climbed in. Doing their pre flight checks they scanned round the cockpit. When they keyed their engines a loud roar rang out, but it wasn’t the motors, it was the 109 that had just nosedived into the ground in front of them. A disheveled figure climbed out of the wreck, the fuselage had the registration written in white “Dicho Ish Aweesome!”
TBC
