How would you feel...

[coombz]

We got the ladder next to your high horse so that you can join the real world sometime.

How nice ;]  I've got the headgear for you to wear while you sit unnoticed and forgotten in the corner as the rest of the world moves on without you

[RotBaron]

I then I would feel I had made a very bad choice.

You've stated this twice, and I think the implication here IS a shot at the military in some indirect way. Nevertheless and regardless of what your intention is, why are saying this guy should feel shame? Didn't realize that's what you did? Think about it, you've said that if it were you, then you would be blaming yourself for making a bad choice.

SORRY, THE ONLY BAD CHOICE(S) HAVE BEEN THE WIFE'S and potentially another folk. There are occupations all around the world that require significant time away from marital partner, you don't hear a story like this about every one of them or few would ever work those jobs. 

[coombz]

You've stated this twice, and I think the implication here IS a shot at the military in some indirect way. Nevertheless and regardless of what your intention is, why are saying this guy should feel shame? Didn't realize that's what you did? Think about it, you've said that if it were you, then you would be blaming yourself for making a bad choice.

SORRY, THE ONLY BAD CHOICE(S) HAVE BEEN THE WIFE'S and potentially another folk. There are occupations all around the world that require significant time away from marital partner, you don't hear a story like this about every one of them or few would ever work those jobs.  

Well you raise an interesting point about shame. While I think the shame should firmly be upon the cheating partner, and not on the OP who has been poorly treated, I think that as a human being a sense of shame in this sort of circumstance is unavoidable, justified or not. I would feel ashamed if my wife cheated on me and my kid was calling another man Daddy, even if I hadn't been out of the country for a length of time. I think that's just part of human nature. Unfortunately. Because the guy didn't do anything wrong.

You are right that there are a lot of occupations around the world, other than military service, that mean you will be away from your family, and they all involve a choice - do you take that job, that opportunity, that career, knowing that you will be leaving your family behind...TRUSTING that they will be there for you same as always when you return. Or do you put family first and stick to them, feeling that they need you to be there, and that you need to be there for them, in order for your family to be strong.

Some families/partnerships can obviously survive long absences on one side or both...and some evidently can't. If I was in the situation of the original poster, I would feel that I had made the wrong decision not to stay with my family. And, as I said in an earlier post, maybe he didn't even get to make that decision...maybe he had no choice, as his career in the military dictated that he would have to leave them. Hence my first post in this thread.

[Zacherof]

Hey! Title of most gibberish post goes to me!

Back on topic, yes physical altercations aren't the answer to everything. Beating the hell out of someone may feel good, but the consequences of such an action are not enjoyable by any means. I know from first hand exsperiance. Court is not fun.

[killnu]

Thank you gents for the responses.

I have not and will not do anything stupid.  I have worked to hard to get to this point and given up to much as well.

I am trying to get transcripts from cell phone provider since my wife deleted all of her text this morning while I was at work.

I will see some counsel from the Navy's Sexual Assault experts next.  I want to see if there was anything else going on other than inappropriate discussion going on.

I am still up in the air about the wife....we haven't been great but not bad either.  Counseling was one option but I question her judgment regarding our children right now and that is what I am having a real hard time with.

Anyways, appreciate the responses....even yours coombz   

[coombz]

  best of luck with it mate

[Plawranc]

I think that having ties to home while in the military is a bad idea (other than direct family). While I applaud those who are willing to fight for their nation, putting your life at risk, and your marriage at risk while risking your child's entire upbringing (marriage ending or you dying) is not worth joining the military unless it is either your dream and chosen profession that your wife is totally supportive of, or there is a "Third World War" requiring every able bodied man and woman available to join the fight.

I think that the military is best done at the early point in life and done as a term of service, followed by a normal civilian life for the reasons above. A highly decorated soldier which we all know as Ronald Spears famously quoted.

"The only way to function as a soldier is to accept that you are already dead, only then can you function as a soldier should function"

or as Werner Voss and any wartime pilot said.

"One shouldn't have ties to the ground".

If you have a reason to live, stay at home unless you are absolutely needed.

[eagl]

Best advice ever eagl.  

Are you a lawyer, or has something like this happend in your past, or just..mayhaps things that have happend to your buddys while serving?

No, but I stayed at a holiday inn express last night.

Actually, one of the local divorce lawyer groups has pretty informative ads on the radio, and I have a long commute so I hear them every once in a while.  And its happened to a few people I know.  And it isn't uncommon in the military so I've been exposed to the fallout before.  And and and and...

[mthrockmor]

Side note: While America has certainly grown far beyond Washington's warning regarding foreign entangling alliances, our military is not the Roman Legions. Infact, it is better for America for our servicemembers to have ties to home. Every time "we the people" decide to deploy troops in harms way there needs to be pictures of families being torn. Could you imagine a military with no family? No ties to America and our social norms and values? We would truly have a military of mercenaries. I would fear this ungodly, souless military.

It's tough on all involved, to include my bro and sis in law, he being an E7, Green Beret/SF based at Ft Campbell. It's tough but if we aren't fighting for families what are we fighting for, some godless government state?

Families are key to our military.

Boo

[Zacherof]

...I joined to get the hell away from mine

[Maverick]

You guys really should stop feeding the troll. It only encourages it.

[Triton28]

Killnu, very sorry to hear this.  My job takes me away from family too so I know trust plays a huge role in a marriage when you can't always be home.  While most relationships don't break down due to one persons actions alone, cheating is absolutely the weakest, most cowardly way out of a relationship.  Do the best you can to keep your emotions in check in what you do and say.    

P.S. - Self important trolls are the best kind to laugh at.  WTG Coombz!    

[MarineUS]

I'd be upset/disappointed/mad enough to:

Get a lawyer.
Get a restraining order to keep him away from your daughter and your property.
Get a restraining order / injunction freezing transfers in and out of financial accounts, preventing new accounts from being opened, or old ones being closed.
Consider legal action to preserve evidence, such as getting phone records, emails, and text messages.  That info is all available even if "deleted", you may just need the right court order to preserve it.
Inventory all of your property, including "yours", "hers", and "ours".  If anything is missing, file an immediate police report for theft.
Check your credit report and if you see anything unusual, file an immediate identity theft report.  If she (or the new guy) did anything in your name without the right authority or power of attorney, get that reported as fraud or identity theft.
Remove all weapons from the house and store in a safe/legal place.
Seek advice from military legal counsel since mil pay/benefits may be affected if you don't do things right.
If you want to save the marriage, immediately seek counseling with the wife.  If she won't go, hire the nastiest divorce lawyer you can find and ensure that you are able to participate in your daughter's life and don't get ripped off financially since it was her choice to jump ship.
If she gets confrontational, get out before it escalates because even if she assaults YOU and you just sit there taking a beating, when the cops show up you're still going to be the one going to jail, losing your firearms and military qualifications, losing access to your daughter, etc.

Step one, hiring a good lawyer, ought to lead to many of these steps if they're doing their job properly.  You have every right to protect yourself and ensure you can participate in the lives of your children without getting financially ripped off.

QFT

[mcboi]

We got the ladder next to your high horse so that you can join the real world sometime.

Did you make that pic xbrit? if so I might have to borrow it cuz its hilarious