> A new virus has appeared, and is the nastiest variant of its kind ever
> seen. It is thought to have originated at London Waterloo 3 days ago, and
> was first spotted in the wild at Eindhoven, Holland at about 9.30 pm on
> Monday.
>
> It can be spotted by the names "E2000", "Tony", "David, "Gareth" or
> "Philip" in the subject line, but mutants have already appeared carrying
> names such as "2 left feet", "a row of donkeys" or "more holes than a
> swiss cheese".
>
> This is a Very Basic Skills virus, and was distributed worldwide to an
> audience of billions within seconds. Anyone catching and running the virus
> is in danger of becoming a laughing stock.
>
> It is hard to spot. For the first 15 minutes, it paints false pictures.
> Your ensemble will run faster and appear far more dynamic and accurate
> than it really is. After 20 minutes, however, it attacks repeatedly at
> your flanks, and will quickly penetrate to the very heart of the Central
> Penalty Unit. It will do this with repeated success, until you are left
> powerless, humiliated and feeling very very silly indeed.
>
> The bug will also eat into your XL and Word files, deleting all sensible
> text and replacing it with nonsense texts. Noted examples are "Nar Nar
> Naaaar, Nar Nar, Naaaaar, Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Naaaaaaa", "Do - dooo, do
> dooo do doo doooooo", "oooh oooh oooh". "Eng - er lund" and "Once more
> into the breach".
>
> People who have hyped themselves up to believe they actually have a chance
> of winning are particularly susceptible to this new bug. People who
> already know their place in this world, or are genuinely talented, should
> have no fear.
>
> This nasty worm is dormant for a few days at a time. A far worse version
> is expected to appear around next Saturday.
>
> The only antidote is a German produced vaccine called "Matheus". This is
> the only thing that can look sillier than the E2000. If however, the
> vaccine fails to make an appearance, the Euro Bug can be expected to
> strike with increased potency.
>
> Be alert - no one likes to see this virus happen to anyone
