And just like that, everything changes...

[Neubob]

Originally posted by StarOfAfrica2
I can handle "something happened", I cant handle it when guys who are supposed to be friends are boinkin my wife.  

You're a much, much bigger man than I. I couldn't even handle her talking on the phone or IM with her exes. Utterly irrational jealousy. Then, the more I did it, the more she started doing it. Before I knew it, I was getting on her about her past, purely immature indescrections with men, started calling her names. Never gave her credit for being the person she had become. Always saw the person she'd been long before we'd met. Amazingly, despite my insanity, she was always quick to forgive me. Always quick to to hug me and calm me down. She was a good girl. A little harsh at times, overbearing, over-sensitive and oddly particular, but a good girl. The more I think about it, the more I have to face the fact that I never even tried to be a friend to her. I'll never forgive myself.

[Toad]

Originally posted by Neubob
I'll never forgive myself.

But this, amigo, is the first thing you must do before you can move on.

You made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Big ones and little ones.

It doesn't have to mean you ruined your life; you can admit it, learn from it and move on and forward.

Or you can dwell on it and eat your liver for as long as YOU like.

[Curval]

Neubob,

Just a quick word on your last post:

One thing that I have ALWAYS done whenever I had a nasty breakup was to romanticise the relationship that had ended.  I always remembered the good and the bad stuff always seemed to be my fault after-the-fact.

Thoughts like that are dangerous because they end up allowing some serious depression to creep in.

Don't over-analyze and try not to romanticise.  It's really easy to give this advice but I do appreciate how difficult it is to actually do.

[lazs2]

I am not very good at realationships but am very experianced at ending them.  

When you hear her car drive up and your gut churns because you were doing something you like and she doesn't.... It's time to get out..  There is allways some feeling of relief when a relationship ends.  

never go right from one relationship to another.

Be honest from the start with the new one so you don't have to live the same old lies again with the new one..

enjoy life.  Do some things that you couldn't do when in a relationship.

Don't get a new one based on if your friends will approve or not..

try to not get one that lives too close to you.... 30-60 miles away is ideal.

lazs

[beet1e]

...and never let anyone tell you that Marriage is the kiss of death to a healthy sex life. On the contrary, Marriage can be an excellent tonic for a good sex life. It's only when the two people are married to eachother that it's a problem.

[Eagler]

she was 11 when you were 18

enough said, good luck with the next one - make her closer to your own age

[StarOfAfrica2]

My friend, I am not a bigger man than anyone.  Except maybe at my waistline.  

But seriously, its just that I recognized a loooooong time ago what jealousy can do to you.  I ruined one good relationship that way.  Well, ok it wasnt that good.  Probably better for me than it was for her, but meh.  The thing is, I couldnt stand to see her with ANYONE (read any other man) than me.  Even just talking.  I ruined a perfectly good door putting my fist through it over her.  Cost me 200 bucks to get it replaced too.  

Thats insecurity.  Thats the mind saying "she's talking to him because he's got something you dont".  Bull.  And if she really does think that, and she really does go elsewhere, well it wasnt going to work anyway.  All you can do is give what you've got.  Its totally up to her if its good enough for her or not.  Not one thing you can do about it.  Let go.

I also recognized a long time ago that even when I'm happy in a relationship, I'm still going to see other women and look at them and go "ah man look at that!  What I wouldnt give to .........."  You can fill in the blanks.  We all do it.  Women included.  So logically, you have to assume that temptation can strike at a moment of weakness for anyone, and "chit happens".  I could probably be ok with that.  A one time thing.  Something explainable.  There are lines you cant cross though, places that if you decide to go there, there's no coming back.  

As to this "laying blame" game.  Stop where you are.  That is a slippery slope you are climbing.  Once you let yourself slide to the bottom its darn near impossible to get back up again.  We all make mistakes.  We are all human.  Its fine to say "I made a mistake".  Its not fine to punish yourself over it forever.  Learn from it.  Move on.  Dont forget it, but let it go.

[StSanta]

Hang in there dude.

It's worth remembering that the only thing you need and can do to feel better is to have patience and wait.

Relationships failing is the mental equivalent of a very long worst hangover ever You think you're gonna die, that you can't handle anymore. Weak and feeble, there's no light in the horizon. But ya know it's gonna get better.

You're 29, future ahead of you. Millions of people have had this happen before you and while they were as hurt as you are now, they've come through - not without scars, but through it, and the smarter ones among them a whole lot wiser too.

First step is to go from the inside to the outside. Get a perspective. There's a whole lot of things waiting for you to get your thumb out of your ass. Someone very special is walking around having no idea who you are as we speak.

So, arm yourself with patience. When that fails, anger, tears and good pals help.

Then go HUGE. Not big. Huge. It's all waiting for ya.

[storch]

Originally posted by Eagler
she was 11 when you were 18

enough said, good luck with the next one - make her closer to your own age

ain't that the truth.