I'm madder than an Italian with a soggy meatball over all the hubbub about how they run their jails up in the great state of Tennessee.
Seems a warden had the brilliant idea to let the jailbirds have some fun and fight in the prison yard just like gladiators in ancient Rome and the movies, with shields and swords and that spikey ball they swing over their heads and throw at each other.
And not only was it good exercise for the inmates, but from what I understand, the guards got a well-deserved break from prison routine while watching the fights.
And according to reports, a good time was had by all.
But now some crybaby spoiled sports are whining and complaining that this was inhuman, cruel, and, in the words of one Goody-Two-Shows, "just plain terrible."
How in the world could anyone not like the idea of a bunch of criminals fighting like gladiators? That's what the ancient Romans and Greeks used to do and they weren't barbarians -- they were the Founding Fathers of civilization, for crying out loud.
I say we should televise these fights so everyone can see them. A show called Prison Gladiators would be the hottest thing on the boob tube since Gunsmoke and The Donna Reed Show.
It would be like championship wrestling without all the talking and shouting between matches.
And give the prisoners something to fight for if you really want a good show. Have a tournament and let the winner cut a year off his jail time. And we could give the runner-up an extra slice of bread to go with his water in the cafeteria line.
If you're one of those squeamish types who don't like violence, then you can just turn the channel to the fashion network or the public stations that show all those fancy British sitcoms like Mystery Theater and Benny Hinn.
Everyone will be happy. Gladiator prison fights will give criminals a chance to pay their debt to society and make something good of themselves while giving the rest of us something entertaining to watch and argue and fight about at work the next day.
Let the fun begin!
