I can understand your frustrations, I really do, I had a small break for a while, mostly due to the same reasons as yourself, so this time I decided to ignore the easy mode planes and stick to the 109's or jugs etc, Getting my butt handed to me on a regular basis and missing losts of shots, but I am steadily having more fun and the odd kill here and there I'm getting are now much more worthwhile.
Kinda got into the old porking game for a bit too, I enjoy the swing mode of dropping your ord then switching to Fighter mode, I usually take a G14 with the bomb and then drop it and go looking for a fight, Get killed A LOT but it's better than hiding in the horde and picking.
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