Aviation Manual Funny

[fyvsix]

Not sure if this has been here, but I got a kick out of it. 


  WISDOM FROM MILITARY MANUALS   

 'If the enemy is in range, so are you.' - Infantry Journal-

 


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 'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.' - US.Air Force Manual -


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 'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.' - General MacArthur -


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 'You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me.' - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.-


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 'Tracers work both ways.' - U.S. Army Ordnance Manual-


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 'Five second fuses only last three seconds.' -Infantry Journal -


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 The three most useless things in aviation are: Fuel in the bowser; Runway behind you; and Air above you. -Basic Flight Training Manual-


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 'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.' - Maritime Ops Manual -


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 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.' - Unknown Marine Recruit-


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 'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.' -USAF Ammo Troop-


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 'Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil.  For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.' - Sign over SR71 Wing Ops-


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 'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.' -Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)-


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 'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.' -Unknown Author-


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 'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.' - Fixed Wing Pilot-


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 'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.' -Multi-Engine Training Manual-


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 'Without ammunition, the USAF is just an expensive flying club.' -Unknown Author-


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 'If you hear me yell;"Eject, Eject, Eject!", the last two will be echos.' If you stop to ask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because you're the pilot.' -Pre-flight Briefing from a 104 Pilot-


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 'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies.' -Sign over Control Tower Door-


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 'Never trade luck for skill.' -Author Unknown-


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 The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in military aviation are: 'Did you feel that?' 'What's that noise?' and 'Oh S...!' or (appended from the Arkansas Air National Guard):"Hold my beer and watch this!" -Authors Unknown-


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 'Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.' 

 Basic Flight Training Manual-


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 'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation - we have never left one up there!' - Unknown Author -


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 'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.' - Emergency Checklist-


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 'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world;  it can just barely kill you.' - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) -


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 'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.' -Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB, AZ-


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 'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.' - Sign over Carrier Group Operations Desk-


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 'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.' - Lead-in Fighter Training Manual -


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  As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives. The rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks,'What happened?'The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!' 
 
 

[Saxman]

'Five second fuses only last three seconds.' -Infantry Journal -

Manufactured by Monty Python?

[allaire]

What's the worst thing you can hear from an Army Warrant Officer?

Hey you wanna see something cool.

[danny76]

Along with such gems as;

Friendly fire isn't (anon)

Pain is just a sensation, and sensations are there to be enjoyed, ENJOY THE PAIN (L/CPL Smiley RSDG,My Royal Armoured Corps Recruit Course Feb 1994)

Remember, you can guarantee your rifle and equipment were produced by the lowest bidder.

Those who say don't know, those who know don't say.

Pearls of wisdom are dripping from your tongue, wipe your mouth.

I don't want to live forever, i've got better things to do (ME)

and my personal favourite

Co-operation is the lubrication of Civilisation (my Dad)

[RufusLeaking]

"Soldier, this helmet is for your head." - First page of the little booklet found inside the steel pot helmet issued to me for Desert Shield/Storm.

"Don't Panic" - Bold print on the nuclear war survival card issued to SAC crews.  Not just for Hitch Hiker's Guide.

[Bosco123]

I'm stealing this one for my sig, sorry!

" The three most useless things in aviation are: Fuel in the bowser; Runway behind you; and Air above you. -Basic Flight Training Manual- "

[DaCoon]

think I'm gonna steal this one....
 'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.' - Emergency Checklist-

[Auger]

Your quote about an aircraft having too much fuel is actually attributed to Sir Charles Kingsford Smith.

"The only time an aircraft has too much fuel onboard is when it is on fire."

[2ADoc]

"Helicopters are 1,000,000 parts, counteracting each others torque, flyinging in loose formation, beating the air into submission."  Above the door of a mainance shack in Mosul Iraq.

[oakranger]

I love this one:


  As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives. The rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks,'What happened?'The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'

[Tom5572]

...There I was cartoon:
B52 pilot with a crazed look in his eye when the bombardier comes in with a stalk of corn saying "Compliments of the Tail Gunner, Sir.  Could we please gain a little altitude"  I love that one

[Plawranc]

Recoiless rifles aren't.

[Strip]

"Front toward enemy."

Directions found on a Claymore.....

Strip

[allaire]

AT-4s have a picture on them that tells you which direction to point them.  Gotta love the Army.

[Serenity]

think I'm gonna steal this one....
 'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.' - Emergency Checklist-

Put this one into practice today...