Author Topic: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )  (Read 2522 times)

Offline SCTusk

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Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« on: August 02, 2010, 08:48:07 PM »
Pre-flight considerations:

1. Pilots are instructed to empty pockets of any loose change, keys etc prior to flying. Since the arrival of the Camel ground troops at the front have complained of a rise in shrapnel wounds from such objects.

2. Due to reports of the a/c breaking up in flight it is suggested that fuel loadout should consist of sufficient for the task at hand and no more. Therefore calculate fuel usage as per the following:

   fuel loadout = fuel to combat area + 30 seconds

3. Take your time prior to take off and complete a thorough pre-flight check. Statistics show that an extra 10 minutes spent on pre-flight checks increases the life expectancy of a Camel pilot by up to 10 minutes.

4. Keep a detailed pilots' log book of your sortie/s. If possible obtain one of the German log books - it already has a column titled 'Camels Destroyed'.

5. Pack a lightweight overnight bag for storage under your seat. It should contain a robust pair of hiking boots, emergency food and water, a medical kit and a fireproof container for your dogtags. For first time Camel pilots a fireproof container for your dogtags will suffice.

6. Wear a stout pair of underpants with reinforced gussets and double layer seat covering if possible.

7. Make or have made for you a simple periscope (a mirror on a long stick will suffice) for easy sighting of the enemy during combat.

Flying the Camel:

1. Keep a soft crash site within easy gliding distance in view at all times. Bushes and trees are excellent for this purpose.

2. Fly as much as possible with the engine switched off. This will enable you to hear any approaching enemy aircraft, and to locate them by sound. If you are unable to locate them by sound remember the 6 by 6 Rule: count to six and the enemy will now be at your 6 o'clock.

3. Due to General Staff concerns about cowardice parachutes will not be issued. However the Camel has an inbuilt safety feature, in the event of cowardice simply stall the aircraft wings level and it will descend gently in what the designers have called a 'parachute stall'. Always execute this manoeuvre over soft dense foliage ( see item 1 above ) and only when properly equipped with stout underpants (see item 6 Pre-flight considerations). Failure to do so may result in invasive incursions of branches and twigs into the pilots' bottom.

4. If you are unable (or unwilling) to induce a parachute stall there is a further failsafe option in the event of cowardice: the service revolver as issued to Camel pilots has a reputation for spontaneous self discharging at altitude. Located in the webbing side holster this characteristic has caused numerous wounds to the right foot of Camel pilots, who are then forced to withdraw from the fight and seek medical intervention. Therefore exercise extreme caution when wearing your service revolver prior to combat, and carry along some gauze to staunch the flow of blood (I pre-pack my boot prior to flight).

5. The Camel has several important flight characteristics which should be studied and committed to memory:
   
   Do NOT attempt to turn the aircraft while diving.
   Do NOT attempt to dive the aircraft while turning.
   The aircraft is incapable of out diving the enemy.   
   The aircraft is incapable of out climbing the enemy.
   The aircraft is incapable of out turning the enemy.
   The aircraft is incapable of out running the enemy.
   The aircraft only carries half the ammunition as the enemy.
   
6. Do not be dismayed by the aforementioned flight characteristics; the Camel was designed with one manoeuvre in mind: the Gyroscopic Turn!  Anthony Fokker attempted to copy this feature in the Dr1 but all he could manage was a double rate right hand yawing turn. The Camel however performs this manoeuvre superbly, as follows:

   1. Bank right 30 degrees (any speed)
   2. Pull back on the stick while kicking opposite (left) rudder

The aircraft will 'snatch' its' right wing as if struck by a telegraph pole, and immediately enter a vicious spin to the right. Success! You have spun around faster than a Dr1! (do not attempt this manoeuvre below 10 thousand feet)

7. The Camel has insufficient lift/power for adequate combat performance above 10 thousand feet.

8. Keep your emotions under control during combat; in particular do not direct your disgust at the Dr1... save it for the Camel.

I hope other Camel pilots find these tips useful. If not send complaints to SCTusk, Smoking Wreckage, Halfway Forest, No Mans' Land.        
« Last Edit: August 02, 2010, 10:03:09 PM by SCTusk »
"We don't have a plan, so nothing can go wrong." (Spike Milligan)

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Offline wojo71

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Re: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« Reply #1 on: August 02, 2010, 09:33:25 PM »
This may be the best post I have ever read. :lol :lol
LTARwojo        
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Offline StokesAk

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Re: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2010, 09:48:04 PM »
 :rofl
Strokes

Offline froger

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Re: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« Reply #3 on: August 03, 2010, 12:53:55 AM »
 :eek:
frogs are people too

Offline Yeager

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Re: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« Reply #4 on: August 03, 2010, 12:58:50 AM »
Actually pretty thoughtful.  Nerf the Dr1  :t
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Offline meandog

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Re: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« Reply #5 on: August 03, 2010, 06:59:07 AM »
ROFL ... YOU JUST REALLY CRACK ME UP TUSK...LOVE THE POST  :banana:

Offline Greebo

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Re: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« Reply #6 on: August 03, 2010, 08:01:45 AM »
I think there was a "Post of the year" award on AH BBS this would be a contender.  :rofl

Online Oldman731

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Re: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« Reply #7 on: August 03, 2010, 08:55:53 AM »
I think there was a "Post of the year" award on AH BBS this would be a contender.  :rofl

Agreed.  Well done.

- oldman

Offline SlapShot

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Re: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« Reply #8 on: August 03, 2010, 12:07:16 PM »
 :rofl ... brilliant !!!
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Offline Soulyss

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Re: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« Reply #9 on: August 03, 2010, 12:16:34 PM »
 :rofl

Thanks, this just made my morning. :)
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Offline Lepape2

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Re: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« Reply #10 on: August 03, 2010, 12:17:17 PM »
I wish there was a bow smiley. Made my day  :D
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Offline VonMessa

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Re: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« Reply #11 on: August 03, 2010, 01:01:39 PM »
 :rofl

Well done  :aok
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Offline mbailey

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Re: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« Reply #12 on: August 03, 2010, 02:36:03 PM »
 :aok :aok

Great post sir!!!
Mbailey
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Offline Shuffler

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Re: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« Reply #13 on: August 03, 2010, 03:02:32 PM »
Always be careful around them as they spit and can bite really hard.

Watch where you step.
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Offline Rhah

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Re: Top Tips for Camel Drivers ( Dicta Tusk )
« Reply #14 on: August 03, 2010, 03:09:44 PM »
 :rofl great post Tusk

Sticky?  :D
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