"All the wrong questions 'newbies' ask"

[Kweassa]

1. Do I need a stick for this game?
   
     You don't need one if you don't want to fly AH.

 2. How do I control this thing?

     Control it the way you want to. "Manual" is  not some spanish guy,
     and I'm sure everyone has something called 'eyes' to 'read'.

 3. What do I do when somebody gets on my 6?

     Simple. Die. You're supposed to ask 'how do I prevent someone
     from coming to my 6' - I believe this is what we call 'ACM'.

 4. Where's the action?

     Ask mom, she might know. Maybe it's in the fridge, dunno.

 5. Which plane is a good plane?

     Any plane except the one you're controlling. Chuck said 'it's the man,  
     not the machine'... and I'm pretty sure any 'man' asking this sort of
     question won't be able to control any 'machine'

 6. How do I get many kills?

      Maybe you'll drown him to death by drooling.

 7. How do I win over someone at a disadvantage?

      You're supposed to run away, not try to win. Otherwise, we wouldn't
      call something 'disadvantage'

 8. How can I do fantastic ACM maneuvers?

      Get someone behind your 6 and tempt him to shoot. You'll do pretty
      fantastic moves before you blow up.

 9. How can I do great HOs?

      Remain a newbie for your life.

 10. How can I be a great pilot?

      Play dirty. Vulch, gangbang, alt monkeying etc etc.. you'll be a
      terrific pilot n no time.
     
 ...

 Cynical, eh? Got this from a certain flight sim site I know

[Hangtime]

8. How can I do fantastic ACM maneuvers?

Get someone behind your 6 and tempt him to shoot. You'll do pretty
fantastic moves before you blow up.  

Heheheehe.. yah, ain't that the truth... lololol

[K West]

lol. Too true. Tooooo true.

"WHO NEEDS A GUNNER??!!!" is the one I hear most.  Followed about an hour later by the same person asking, "HOW DO I DROP BOMBS??"

 Westy

[Dago]

Would it be fair to add in this thread the newbies favorite stunt?

Try to join another pilot in his fighter without warning or asking him first, that way the popup box appearing in the middle of his screen will drastically interfere with the fight he is currently in and cause him to die. That will of course earn his complete respect and he will just welcome you with open arms.

dago

[hblair]

I always let em in. Then put my plane on auto climb pointed somewhere off in the wild blue yonder, I go eat dinner, paint the garage, change the oil in my car, etc. Come back and he's typing in CAP's, "HOW DO I GET OUT OF HERE!?!?!"