The Times
04/01/02
George W. Bush to send Britney Spears to negotiate peace in troubled region
WASHINGTON -- The White House today announced that it was sending pop singer Britney Spears to Tel Aviv as the first stop on a mission to bring peace to the war-torn area.
White House spokesman Ari Fleischer said that the mission had given given conditional acceptance by both the Israeli government and the Palestinian Authority.
Noting that the mission had been the idea of President Bush, Fleischer said, "We talked to people in Miami, where Britney is very, very popular, and they agreed that if anyone could get the two sides back to the negotiating table, it was her."
Yassar Arafat, speaking by cell phone from his bunker in Ramallah, said, "We're very excited by the new American initiative. I've been a big fan for years, and now I have the chance to find out if they are real or not."
Ariel Sharon, speaking through a spokesman, said that American pop stars had a long history of bringing peace to war-torn lands, and hoped that Ms. Spears could get everyone to love one another.
Spear's publicist said that the singer was very excited about the opportunity to do some good, and noted that nobody was sending any mediocre country singers reduced to doing Pepsi commercials on such an important event.
David Crosby, rocker of the group Crosby, Stills, Nash and Not So Young, who single handedly ended the Vietnam war, said that he thought Britney Spears was the perfect person to represent George W. Bush, and then
mumbled something about birdbaths.
