I forgot where I found this years back, but I stumbled upon it today and was laughing long after I was done reading it: enjoy.
No, afraid you are wrong there. The element that *makes* every great board is a FAQ on how to keep a women trapped in a pit.
I mean haven't we all thought about it?
1. I'm thinking about installing my own pit. Do I need to get a permit?
No. Most states don't require a permit for digging a pit. (And you'll be better off not asking.)
----------------------------------------
2. What wattage light bulb do you recommend using in a pit?
This is purely a personal choice. If you'd like to 'flood' the pit with light, a halogen lamp will do nicely. If you prefer more subtle lighting, I recommend the 40 watt GE Soft White bulb. If you would rather not be seen by your 'guest', use a flashlight.
------------------------------------------
3. Do you have any hints about bathing the woman you keep in a pit?
Bathing the woman you keep in your pit can be a wonderful bonding experience. It allows you some quiet time together. During grooming sessions, I have found my 'guests' to be wonderful listeners. If I've had a particularly tough day, I can count on a sympathetic ear and a comforting smile. And don't forget, (her) personal hygeine is an important part of a well rounded relationship. ( Tip: Prell shampoo will make her hair shiny and manageable.)
------------------------------------------
4. Is there a support group for men who like to keep women in pits?
You're a man after my own heart. People don't realize the stress involved with keeping a woman in a pit. Providing food and nominal care can be very taxing. Unfortunately, there is no support group at this time. I hope to address this issue in the future.
-----------------------------------------
5. Is it all right for a woman to keep a man in a pit?
Come on, now. That's sick.
----------------------------------------
6. How deep should my pit be?
Once again, this is a personal choice. Just like sex, a larger man requires a hole that is wide and deep, where as a smaller man will prefer something a bit snugger. Just remember, it's not the size of your pit that matters...it's what you do with it.
------------------------------------------
7. Any tips on keeping my pit clean?
This is one of our most asked questions....I will devote an entire column to this topic soon.
------------------------------------------
8. Is it all right to keep more than one woman in a single pit?
It's all right, but I don't recommend it. I find that my 'guests' need their own space. I would suggest digging a second pit. That way, you can visit your 'guests' on alternate days. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
------------------------------------------
9. I don't own a house. Can I put a pit in my apartment?
I suppose... if you live on the bottom floor. I would recommend signing a long term lease, though.
------------------------------------------
10. Any tips on keeping my pit warm?
I like to keep my pit at 55 degrees year 'round. You'll be suprised at how much your 'guest' will want to snuggle when her only source of heat comes from your body.
-----------------------------------------
11. I need some help decorating my pit. Any suggestions?
Decorating your pit? What are you, some sort of studmuffingot? (Tip: try the Martha Stewart web site.)
