Your Horoscopes:
>
>Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined
>to be progressive. You lie a
>great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are
>stupid. Everyone thinks you are
>a diddlying jerk.
>
>Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people
>are dickheads. You are
>quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but
>piss-off everyone you come in
>contact with. You are a salamander.
>
>Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think
>you are being followed by
>the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people
>resent you for flaunting your
>power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
>
>Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have
>a dogged determination and
>work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You
>are nothing but a whoopeeed
>communist.
>
>Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
>People like you because you are
>bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means
>you are a cheap bastard.
>Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest.
>
>Cancer (June 23 - July 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding of
>other people's problems,
>which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why
>you will always be on
>welfare and won't be worth a toejam. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
>
>
>Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others
>think you are an idiot. Most
>Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your
>arrogance is disgusting. Leo people
>are thieving motherdiddlyers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.
>
>Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder.
>Your toejam-picking attitude is
>sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional
>and often fall asleep while
>diddlying. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
>
>Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a
>difficult time dealing with reality.
>Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are
>potatos. All Libras die of
>venereal disease.
>
>Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd
>in business and cannot be
>trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total
>lack of ethics. You are the
>perfect son-of-a-squeak. Most Scorpios are murdered.
>
>Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You
>have a reckless tendency to
>rely on your luck since you have no talent. You are a worthless piece of
>shit.
>
>Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) - You are conservative and afraid of taking
>risks. You are basically
>chicken toejam. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.
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