I'd seen this posted about 3 years ago, but Ripsnort reminded me of it when he posted it in another thread:
At a computer expo(COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the
auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon". In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft,we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only
five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation"
warninglight.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,
turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
Considering Windows XPs changes I think I'd have to add the following:
11. You can't actually own your vehicle, Microsoft is the sole owner of Microsoft brand vehicles. For some reason you feel alright about being forced to pay money for something you don't own.
12. If you changed gasoline brands more than 3 times your car would "deactivate."
13. After July 31st 2004 if you change gasoline brands your car would stop working completely and Microsoft would have the legal right to charge you for an "update" to your car.
14. Microsoft would sell an audio player (Windows Media Player 9 - Auto Edition) which if installed would copy protect all video and audio files played in the car and keep them from working in any other car. Of course this player is free and the media loves it , because they are the companies that benefit from copy protection.
15. Microsoft would claim the car was the "most secure" car ever made, but new security holes would be discovered every day. Eventually a bug would be discovered which would cause the car to crash, but Microsoft would cover it up for 3 months.
16. At any time Microsoft choose to do so, they could enter your car and change the color of your seats (while adding a hidden camera in the dash).
17. Microsoft would provide a set of utilities, Interstate Explorer, which would be totally incompatible with all existing standards and programming languages, but because of nearly total marketshare would force all developers to use it.
18. Microsoft would be accused of being a monopoly, but at about that time they would give tremendous amounts of money to both political parties and eventually receive a settlement which only increased their marketshare.
19. Microsoft would pay "independant" evalutation companies to state that their cars are not only safer but more reliable than their competitors, though everyone with any knowledge about automobiles would know this to be untrue.
20. Microsoft would be allowed to disclose all information concerning your driving habits to 3rd party companies for advertising purposes.
21. Once Microsoft saturates the market with cars, they begin to raise the price of their cars once all the competitors are gone.
22. Everytime you filled your car with gas, Microsoft would search the vehicle, but amazingly they would claim that "no information is being sent to Microsoft."
23. Eventually the federal government would ask to examine the design of Microsoft's car, but Microsoft would not allow it and claim that their cars are so poorly constructed that releasing information about them would endanger US military personal in Afganistan. Amazingly the federal government would accept this excuse!
