Originally posted by SunKing
What's with all the childish posts... and I actually thought you were a decent member of this community.
Hell, I'll jump in.
For you historians out there:
The Complete Military History of France
- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000
years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an
Italian.
- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last moment by
schizophrenic teenaged girl, who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French
Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
- Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to
ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but
manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
- The Dutch War - Tied
- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and IndianWar - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
- War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English
colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States.
- World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States (again) and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history,
surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to
surrender to Vietnamese ambassador, fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French
should not be "Can we count on the French?" but rather "How long until France collapses.....
