Ishmael has obvious passion for the higher end of the spectrum. However, you can pound and pound and pound ... it doesn't change a lot unless what you are pounding on lacks structural integrity
All things being equal, the biggest single factor you must accept is that only those who value what you value can make the arena a fair place if that fairness is based upon "behaviour" being much the same for all those that choose to fly there.
Try as you may ... no matter what you use as "incentive" ... the realistic virtual pilot (fears death, tries to survive at all cost, etc. etc.) is always going to be at the mercy of the kamikaze I will never die/click fly re-spawn warrior.
If your opponent cares nought for realism, implied or otherwise, and cares equally little for the rewards you put in place to attract those who would fly that way anyway (for the sheer thrill of it and it being what they seek from the outset) ... they will hold all the cards because no consequence matters (death being the worst case) and yet the opposite is true for the "realism" flyer. One has nothing to lose, and flies accordingly, the other has EVERYTHING to lose but can never hope to engage the re-spawn warrior on terms where he can rely on fear of consequence being remotely similar to his own ... the gameplay is stilted from his POV and can never hope to be as ideallic as what you seek, no matter how desirable it may be to you, I, and others like us.
What you seek, and perhaps one day will get ... is an arena where all present in the virtual world agree on the "death" issue and thus can be relied upon to help create a virtual reality where they fly and act like dying matters, by common agreement, a little like reality in the real world, in some respects.
That ... or one day we can actually FORCE death upon the participants, rather than it being a choice ... THEN you'd really see what you're hoping for, but, I am here to suggest, you won't be seeing that anytime soon
After all ... death mattered in real life because you had little control over it, except to avoid those situations. In sim life, you ALWAYS have the choice, and most choose to ignore it, and thus death does not exist. If, in this environment, you choose to belive death exists (as in fly accordingly) then what you really have, is YOU, a mere mortal ... trying to wage war on superman.
You're NEVER going to win that battle
Unless you can REMOVE the superman types, because if they get the choice, they'll choose the cape and red underwear everytime
Doc.