http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=1730"Military Spending: We can save a lot of money on military spending if we combine all branches of the military into a new group called "The Horde". Every member will wear black cloaks and maybe night vision goggles or something cool, like welding goggles or those Kaiser helmets with the spikes on top. Teach our soldiers how to shoot lasers out of their eyes so we stop wasting so much whoopee money on bullets. Jesus, did you see all those ****ing bombs we dropped on Iraq? It would have been cheaper to just fly overhead with cargo planes and crush the entire city under gold bricks."
"Foreign Relations: Mexico will be annexed and renamed "Spring Break". Canada will be annexed and renamed "Lidsville" and all Canadians will wear anthropomorphic hat suits. Failure to do so will result in immediate immolation by eye-laser. The UK will be made a state -maybe like East Virginia or something - we'll just let Germany have France because we know they've got their eye on it. We'll make all of the Mid-East a giant state too and call it New Kentucky and then we'll make fun of how backwards it is there until they threaten to secede and then we'll remind them about the eye-lasers by killing most of them with eye-lasers. Russia will go back to being Communist because China just isn't as cool and menacing of a counterbalance to the shining light of the United States."
"Homeland Security: All employees of the Department of Homeland Security will be fired and the entire annual budget will go to building a mile tall statue of me with glowing red eyes as big as those huge dump trucks in Jackie Chan movies. The statue's head will constantly rotate and say in a booming voice that causes windows to shatter for hundreds of miles "I see you. Don't do that. I see you. Don't do that." Citizens will be encouraged to report their neighbors for looking "suspiciously fat" or "dangerously unkempt.""
Mike/wulfie
