Author Topic: Child and girlfriend..."introduction" (Read 452 times)

MwXX · « **on:** March 16, 2004, 01:28:02 PM »

I would like to hear some serious experience with introducing a 2yr old toa girlfriend who wants to be apart of her life.....

i know the ups and downs....just wondering whats best for the first couple of times.....

anything guys?

FUNKED1 · « **Reply #1 on:** March 16, 2004, 01:37:29 PM »

IMHO 2 years is too young for a girlfriend. I mean what are they going to do on a date?

midnight Target · « **Reply #2 on:** March 16, 2004, 01:37:59 PM »

Badumbum

Wlfgng · « **Reply #3 on:** March 16, 2004, 01:38:53 PM »

Quote

apart of her life

that's " apart FROM her..."

midnight Target · « **Reply #4 on:** March 16, 2004, 01:38:56 PM »

Do you have custody?

I would suggest you hold off unless you plan to marry this girl.

stiehl · « **Reply #5 on:** March 16, 2004, 01:43:37 PM »

Take your time on that, there's no rush. Introduce her as a friend, no hanky panky in front of the little one.

Dune · « **Reply #6 on:** March 16, 2004, 01:48:54 PM »

Two years ago I married a woman with a two-year old daughter. We hit it off pretty well, so the fourth date was at a folk music festival and I met Cori for the first time. I was introduced pretty much as a friend and kept any affection to a minimum. It was a test both of what Cori thought of me and how I got along w/ Cori. (I have a sister who's ten years younger than I am so being around little girls wasn't something new). Jen and I took it slow at the beginning, but as time went by, I was around more. It was made clear that her dad (who is very involved in her life) was always going to be her dad, but her mom and I were going to live together and that she could trust me.

All in all it's worked very well. Sometimes it's frustrating because while I'm involved in the family decisions from her mom's end, not all the decisions they make are the ones I would. (since her dad has input on things). But I surely wouldn't change things.

mosgood · « **Reply #7 on:** March 16, 2004, 02:03:52 PM »

I have some experience with women with kids and me being in the kids life.... and I was a kid with a single mother.

First thing that needs to be considered is what are the chances of this being permanent. Because, if the kid sees the girlfriend as a permanent fixture, they will attach themselves accordingly. Now, if it doesn't work out then that will be big heartbreak for the kid and they WILL NOT forget that heartbreak when the next girlfriend comes along. After awhile, the next thing you got is a kid that doesn't trust women or has a complex with not trusting people they love. This is no bullshiat

Also, competition will be there. The kid will get jealous AND the girlfriend will also. Get it out in the open upfront with her so she can be aware of it when she feels that way.

there's much more but all i can write now

MwXX · « **Reply #8 on:** March 16, 2004, 02:14:35 PM »

to all replies, yes..I agree with the no hanky panky, and it was even her idea to never touch one another "affectionately" or anything like that in front of my daughter.....

as for custody, we have joint, "mom and I"

I know its going to be hard, but I dont want to leave someone out in the cold both days I have my daughter...even though morally it feels wrong to do that....but I agree with alot of you.

this is just really hard. thanks for the input....

gofaster · « **Reply #9 on:** March 16, 2004, 02:32:12 PM »

Dump the wife, the child, and the girlfriend and hook up with the sheep that's in your avatar.

2stony · « **Reply #10 on:** March 16, 2004, 03:31:14 PM »

Don't you guys listen to Tom Likus?

"Don't date single mothers!"

mosgood · « **Reply #11 on:** March 16, 2004, 03:41:58 PM »

hmmm.... while I think that it can have it's challenges, single mothers tend to be a little more grounded and have thier priorities a little straighter.

Generally speaking....

Gunslinger · « **Reply #12 on:** March 16, 2004, 04:00:25 PM »

Have to agree with dune on this one. Make sure you and your GF have an undertstanding right up front what her responsabilities as an adult when she is around your kid. Not communicating with her can lead to several complications that can be avoided.

I've been in my step daughters life for about 3 years now...she'll be 5 in aug....and I am her daddy. Her "father" doesnt have much to do with her at all cept on hollidays. From the beginning though me and my wife (then girl friend) had a talk about how I am expected to act around her daughter. It helped me out alot cause I've never been around kids. I can garuntee that there will be a time (especially at 2 years old) that your daughter is going to test your girlfriend.

Secondly I will say this. It is usually extremly important that you back up somthing your girlfriend say's to her if the time ever comes. at the same time it teaches kids that other adults need to be respected because they are adults even if they arnt parents.

best of luck to you