Rules To Enter Texas
Applies to each person as they enter Texas. Learn 'em & remember 'em.
East Coast and California-types pay particular attention!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to
you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10
go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're impressed. We have
quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in,
we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want sushi &
caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women,
regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak.
Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and
Pace Picante Sauce. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati
call that stuff you eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in
San Antonio.... and real chili never met a tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and
served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute,
know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and
the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -
it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there with an
education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing
pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force
than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas." If you do, it will get
your butt whipped by the best.
17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once
said: "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States
can't make it without Texas."
GOD BLESS TEXAS!
