It has been said that the first love of your life is always the hardest to bury - in that you never stop loving them, they just happen to fade away - much in the same way old soldiers do. Nowhere was this more true for me then Siobvan - and for over a year I have done a bang up job of putting her in my past.
But the events of the past few months, the diagnosis of diabetes in April, getting a research position with the Naval Post Graduate School in California, and having been talking with her old roomate Rachel for several months I think led upto today. I was napping this afternoon after having gone out with my mom this morning to look for a puppy to replace my Cocker Spaniel Angel we lost back in April. I saw so many faces that reminded me of my Angel and even though they were anxious for attention, I gave them mine while at the same time choking back tears.
When I went to sleep I found myself in a dream on the Monterey campus and running into Siobvan, which is not at all unplausable since she works for NAVAIR down at Edwards AFB. I didn't have much to say except for why have we not spoken for the last year. The response was equally Siobvanesque - dodging the issue saying "I knew you would work for a Navy Commander one day." No explanation, and certainly no absolution which I have been seeking for a long time. But I guess that is how life goes - you will never have all of the answers you are looking for, no matter how important. The life is in the lesson learned and you learned how to love well: and that you take with you for the rest of your days to be the best person to everyone you encounter.
