How to Be A Conservative In these strange and difficult times it is critical to one's mental and physical well-being to learn how to be a conservative. From a physical health standpoint, it's entirely possible the expression of views that may be considered by others to be "liberal" in perspective could get one branded a "traitor", which is a crime punishable by death. Mentally, it may be that the only way to live with the consequences of the current administration's actions-- an administration that is ostensibly your representative to the world at large-- is to ignore the constant onslaught of facts and declare that you trust the President no matter what. This is not easy (one must typically go through the stages of grief first: anger, denial, acceptance) but may be critical if you do not want to someday end up living in a cabin and muttering to yourself.--------------------------------------------------------------------------------1: Argue like a conservative For the standard conservative every issue is black-and-white, leading to a degree of certitude that you may actually find comforting once you become accustomed to it. For instance, in a discussion of AIDS a normal, compassionate individual may be forced to come to grips with the devastating impact of this horrible disease, and possibly even empathize with the sufferers. This can be very emotionally trying. For a conservative things are much simpler, because a homosexual with AIDS is no longer a complex individual with personal wants and needs who just happens to be gay and dying. In a conservative's eyes he is just a homosexual, and since homosexuals fall on the list of dislikes (see below) he is "bad." Your position in debate is thus much simpler.To truly argue like a conservative it is important to develop the following techniques.--Ad Hominem attacks. As children, we all learned the basics of this concept. It's when, after being confronted by a superior argument, one resorts to "oh yeah? Well you're stupid!" The conservative version is almost always a variant of the claim that "if you disagree with me then you are a traitor." Memorize this, as it is good in nearly every situation.--Offer a constantly shifting target. The conservative side of an argument is generally inherently absurd or otherwise such a poor representation of reality as to be frankly ridiculous. Thus, if you champion a specific point for too long it will become obvious that you are simply being irrational. The way to avoid this is to change the argument in mid-stream into an entirely different argument. For example, if the subject is abortion, you might want to shift to prayer in schools, as this is better than admitting you don't care about whether or not the mother's health is an issue.--Set up a "straw man." This is very easy. Rather than debate the points being made by your adversary, establish for yourself what you think his or her argument is, and then attack that instead. Thus, an argument against the death penalty on the basis of our fallible court system becomes "letting murderers out on parole."--The louder you are the more correct you are. Again, this is a concept we all came to understand as children.2: Think like a conservative Learning to argue like a conservative can be a very useful first step in learning to think like one, but there is still some work to be done. To begin with, if you are accustomed to thinking logically you are going to have to break yourself of that habit right away. For instance, in the same week Saddam Hussein was captured the threat level in the United States was raised to the highest level it's ever been. Yet you will have to claim, as a conservative, that we are safer now than we were before Hussein was in custody.This is actually a simple, one step process. Most people develop their worldview via the following method:Observation --> Analysis --> ConclusionIn this model, one's ideology springs forth naturally from the conclusions one has drawn based on the analysis of what one has observed.To think like a conservative, simply reverse this chain:Conclusion -->Analysis --> ObservationIn this model, one begins with a conclusion, then analyzes one's observations so that they fit the pre-drawn conclusion.It is important to note that for this to work, one must select one's observations carefully.3: Dislikes You will have to learn to dislike a great many things in order to be a successful conservative. While it is impossible to provide a fully comprehensive list, here are some basic dislikes:AbortionEvolutionNon-Christian faiths, atheistsThe ClintonsLiberals, Democrats in generalHomosexualsPoor peopleTaxesGovernmentBrown peopleGun regulationsEqual opportunity lawsThe NEA, EPA, NAACP, ACLU, ATF, FDAThe United NationsThe FrenchIf you come across a topic that is not addressed above and are unsure where you should stand, ask yourself: is this topic something that makes people other than you happier and healthier? Are those people poorer than you? If yes, then you dislike it.4: Advanced work Once you have mastered the first three steps it is time for some advanced study. Read Ann Coulter, watch the O'Reilly Report, listen to Rush Limbaugh, and keep Fox News on at all times. You may find that doing this all at once may initially induce vomiting. This is normal, and it will pass in a few days.
Originally posted by Sandman_SBM Rip and paste:
Originally posted by Thrawn I find it interesting that the same conservatives responded to Rip's childish "How to argue like a liberal" thread as reponded to Sandman's childish "How to be a Conseravtive" thread. But until now, no liberals have responed to either...very interesting.
Originally posted by midnight Target All that can be written much more concisely....Conservative Mantra:A. If you're poor, it's your fault.B. Everything else is Clinton's fault.
Originally posted by AKIron And of course the Lib line:A. If you're poor it's not your faultB. Nothing is Clinton's fault
Originally posted by AKIron Interesting that you haven't realized Sandman's thread is a response to Rip's. Well, not really interesting, but sorta.
