This has prolly made its rounds in here, just got this in my e-mail:
After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
>conveys to the mechanics problems. The mechanics read and correct the
>problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
>remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before
>the next flight.
>
>Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
>humor.
>
>Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
>submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
>engineers.
>By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
>accident.
>
>
>(P = The problem logged by and written by the pilots.)
>(S = The solution and action as taken and written by the engineers.)
>
>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
>P: Something loose in cockpit.
>S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>S: Live bugs on backorder.
>
>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>descent.
>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>S: Evidence removed.
>
>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>S: That's what they're there for.
>
>P: IFF inoperative.
>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
>P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>S: Suspect you're right.
>
>P: Number 3 engine missing.
>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
>P: Aircraft handles funny.
>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
>
>P: Target radar hums.
>S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
>P: Mouse in cockpit.
>S: Cat installed.
>
>P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
>pounding on something with a hammer.
>S: Took hammer away from midget.
