Creamo - Friend of Nature

[Creamo]

Creamo- Friend of Nature, Gentleman and Sportsman, gun owner, super duper good person-

My cats are my friends. Nature is my friend. But when the cats bring home a sparrow when I worked all night to my hallway…whoopee them.

Taking a sparrow out of my cat’s paws is one surprise I don’t need in my hallway after working all night this morning, but I had too. Then when it slips and only flies up to the bathroom skylight thinking it can fly out and half beating itself to death futilely is another. Best I could do though.

Anyway, Ok, as the cats perched themselves in the bathroom, I thought grabbing, and then locking the cats into the garage and opening the windows and screen door is also pretty much outstanding by me, hoping that it will fly away. PETA award winning I think. Then I went to my computer office and shut the door.

After an hours time, and a AH BBS post about AH monikers with 2 after work beers, I had to take a wee. I went to the bathroom, cautiously looked at the skylight, hoping not to get bird shat on. Amazed, seeing no beating of the feathers, nothing at all in the skylight in fact, I just knew I was the ultimate gentleman of nature, and an extra special guy, and started a well deserved relieving of myself.  

Till the sparrow was hiding under the toilet and few up, causing me to piss all over my pajamas front opening, and nearly shat meself!

That was it. I pulled out the Filipino broom, which is hard to describe, it’s like 2 feet long, and some wired bird feathers, and pissed off, chased it out of where it tried again to get out of the sky light. It went down the hall, and settled on my book collection. Just pissed enough to not be scared of it, (like a sparrow beak would kill me) I just grabbed it, and took it to the open screen door. I have to admit I thought about the digital camera, cuz this might make a post. But no.

Out the open screen door it went, flew off very well I might add. Then let my cats out, and made this post.

Not exactly “I have fuzz in my navel, what is it? Or I have yellow puss on my tonsils, but it was what it was.

[MaddDog]

lmao:rofl

[FUNKED1]

Creamo Claus strikes again.  I owe you at least 10MB of lesbians for that story!

[Staga]

Originally posted by Creamo
Creamo- Friend of Nature, Gentleman and Sportsman, gun owner, super duper good person

Gun owner? And you couldn't get rid of Mini-D's pervert hobby objects ?

[midnight Target]

Woulda been a 10 with pics... as it is I'll go 8.5.... well done.

[rpm]

[Mini D]

I can beat that story.

MiniD

[FUNKED1]

Originally posted by Mini D
I can beat that story.

MiniD

Bring it.

[Airhead]

I'll rate it a 9.5. If Creamo woulda bit the Sparrow's head off it would have been a 10....but, well done, even without gratitious violence.

[Creamo]

God bless ya funkypants, but this wasn't a Bacardi fueled post, it just happened. Well, I pissed more all over the toilet seat and toilet tank than my Jammies, so it was kinda altered for the post, but still, I had to change before bedtime. "Story" seems wrong. It was how it happened however.

MiniT had a more weird opening day to Saturday? I want to hear that as well!

[Mini D]

We have a cat door.  One day the cat, while coming through the door, made a rather large screetching noise.  I looked down to see a large brown furry object resembling a squirell in the cat's mouth.  I started with a "what the fu..." when the cat dropped the squirell and it ran across my wife's feet into the dining room.  I don't know how your wife reacts to squirells or small rodents, but mine actually lept up onto a chair in the kitchen from the chair she was seated in some 40 feet away.  She might have touched the ground once, but it was hard to tell.

Meanwile, the squirell is tearing behind all of the book cabinets with the cat in hot pursuit.  They're knocking the lower level of books off of all the open-backed book shelves.  This probably wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't been for the two large dogs that happend to be sitting in the living room when all of this transpired.  They knew the kitty was up **** creek and they wanted to get a piece of the action.  The first one tried to follow the cat behind the first book shelf knocking it over.

This all happened in about 10 seconds.

With the wife screaming, the dogs barking and the cat tearing through the dining room with books strewn everywhere, I managed to coral the dogs and lock them in the backyard.  I came back and startled the cat so bad he bolted for the cat door in fear of his life.  Now I was left with a destroyed dining room and a missing squirell that now had plenty of places to hide.

I began cleaning up the tipped book shelf and all of the books that were now strewn across the floor.  It took about 2 hours going slowly.  It would have been less if I'd been able to get the wife down from the chair in the kitchen, but that wasn't going to happen.

Eventually, I found the critter with his head tucked under the corner of a bookshelf thinking he must have been hidden.  He actually stood still while I slowly unloaded the 3 books that were covering him up till then.  Now I just had to figure out how to move him from point a (inside) to point b (outside) with dogs in the backyard, the cat in the front yard and my wife on the chair in the kitchen.  I decided my motorcycle gloves were the best option.  After donning the gloves, I reached down and grabbed the squirell around the waist with a firm grip.  He promptly turned and bit right into the meaty area between my thumb and forefinger.  Thankfully, the glove held.  I managed to get my other hand in a hold that placed my thumb directly under his chin.  He was locked in.

Unfortunately, I couldn't open the door with both hands holding the squirell.  I was going to need the wife's help.  The screaming that issued from the kitchen as I walked in with the squirell in my grip was deffening.  But, finally, it resided and I was actually able to explain to the wife that the squirell will be running around the house for all of eternity if she did not get off the chair and go open the front door.  She moved with catlike reflexes that were on par with her bolt to the kitchen chair.  The door was open in less then a second followed by the slamming of the bedroom door a mere .1 seconds later.  It was a site to behold.

There was still the problem of the cat that was waiting out front for me to release the squirell.  But this one I could solve with intimidation.  I walked outside and looked around and saw the cat by the corner of the house.  I sternly walked his way as he ran off toward the back where the dogs were waiting to greet him.  He lept the neighbors fence without actually touching it.  I took some satisfaction in that little event.  Now the coast was clear to release the squirell into the other neighbors yard.  He had a tree that had access to the telephone lines so the squirell could climb to safety.  I released the squirell by tossing him a bit over the 3 foot fence.  He bolted right for the tree and safety.

Unfortunately, there was also a power feed to the neighbor's house going through the tree.  The squirell jumped up and grabbed the cable with his teeth.... where he hung for 2 weeks until the power company came and removed him.  I guess it was just his day to die.

MiniD

[Airhead]

Originally posted by Mini D


Unfortunately, there was also a power feed to the neighbor's house going through the tree.  The squirell jumped up and grabbed the cable with his teeth.... where he hung for 2 weeks until the power company came and removed him.  I guess it was just his day to die.

MiniD

ROFLMAO Man, I just LOVE happy endings.

[midnight Target]

Also very enjoyable.

[Flossy]

Originally posted by Mini D
Unfortunately, there was also a power feed to the neighbor's house going through the tree.  The squirell jumped up and grabbed the cable with his teeth.... where he hung for 2 weeks until the power company came and removed him.  I guess it was just his day to die.

I really shouldn't laugh........ but......  

[Dune]

Wow.  And I thought the time a bird got into my dad's gun room (through a ventilator) and as it was flying back and forth I wacked it with a 2x2 was good.  (The bird was just stunned and I released him back outside.

A+ for Sunday morning funnies to both.