Author Topic: Dumb thieves (Read 951 times)

Chairboy · « **on:** June 16, 2004, 11:23:41 PM »

A funny thing happened at my pizza restaurant this week. A guy bought a small, take & bake pizza using his food stamps. Someone else bought a couple of large deluxe style pizzas to be baked.

When the big pizzas were done, the clerk brings them out and says '2 pizzas for Tony' and the food stamp guy says 'I'm Tony' and grabs the pizzas and runs. Some employees went out and asked the guy to come back, he had the wrong pizzas. He tears out of the parking lot and takes off.

A pizza driver sees this happens and chases the guy and gets him to stop. The thief takes a baseball bat out of his car and attacks the guy who stopped him, so the driver backs off and the thief drives away.

Relevant data:
1. Everyone got the license plate.
2. Multiple witnesses, people in the waiting room.
3. The guy paid with food stamps that have his name on them as well as ID numbers that tie them to him.
4. He stole stuff.
5. He assaulted a driver.

So he gets arrested, and during the arrest, attacks the police officer. Now, in addition to 3rd degree larceny (which isn't a big deal), he's added 'assaulting a police officer'.

Ah, where did all the smart criminals go?

senna · « **Reply #1 on:** June 16, 2004, 11:27:42 PM »

Dam you must have some really good pizza.

JB73 · « **Reply #2 on:** June 16, 2004, 11:40:47 PM »

pizza hut is the schnizzit.... i'd rob an old lady for her food stamps to get it.

Nash · « **Reply #3 on:** June 16, 2004, 11:46:33 PM »

When the time comes if ever that I see someone risk his liberty for food, I hope I resist the urge to jump in my car and give chase.

Capt. Pork · « **Reply #4 on:** June 16, 2004, 11:52:39 PM »

Just imagine what would have happened if you'd owned a Sushi Joint.

Chairboy · « **Reply #5 on:** June 17, 2004, 12:06:33 AM »

If I owned a sushi joint, the obligatory katana swords over the register and the stick-on dragon tattoos up my arm would probably discourage theft.

SOB · « **Reply #6 on:** June 17, 2004, 12:43:15 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by Nash
When the time comes if ever that I see someone risk his liberty for food, I hope I resist the urge to jump in my car and give chase.

He ain't tragic. He's a jack*** on food stamps who stole a couple of pizzas. Hell, consider the fact that he was using his food stamps to buy a pizza. It's not like he was getting milk for his baby.

Or am I reading more into your post than was there?

Nash · « **Reply #7 on:** June 17, 2004, 12:57:06 AM »

WHAT are you TALKING about TARD the guy is COMPLETELY TRAGIC!

But lemme get this straight....

If you were either a pizza delivery guy makin' 3 bucks an hour or just a regular dude walkin' by, and you saw someone runnin' out of the shop with some jacked pizzas... you would jump in yer car and try and make a citizen's arrest?

SOB · « **Reply #8 on:** June 17, 2004, 01:02:01 AM »

No, I'd laugh and call a friend to tell them what I just saw. I might yell at the guy though, just to tell him what a dipsh*t he is. Chasing him down for a couple of pizzas was just stupid.

As for tragic, I guess it depends what you mean. When I think tragic, it would be something/someone I felt sympathy for. And that wouldn't be the case here.

AKS\/\/ulfe · « **Reply #9 on:** June 17, 2004, 01:05:34 AM »

No, because I don't trust anyone on food stamps.

A) They are too ****ing retarded to catch their food, I mean **** - if you were broke, you would be able to get your own food, si?

B) Being too ****ing retarded to catch their own food puts them into the category of being entirely too ****ing retarded so they could wield a knife, gun, chain saw, who the **** knows and kill your bellybutton for being an idiot.

and finally

C) Food stamps indicate you are the lowest possible rung of society, bums don't count since they aren't a part of society, and when in that state - you go back to option B and they are ****ing dangerous because they don't have **** to lose.

So, get a license plate # and let the police find that mother ****er. Pizza isn't worth being mortally wounded or dying over.
-SW

Nash · « **Reply #10 on:** June 17, 2004, 01:06:53 AM »

Ah... see I paint tragic with a much broader brush. That guy who was drinkin' his own vomit in that link Sand posted, for example. I feel no pity for him... but yegads, he was tragic.

SOB · « **Reply #11 on:** June 17, 2004, 01:08:51 AM »

Yeah, I get ya, definitely tragic. Kinda like the Emiril Legasse sitcom.

capt. apathy · « **Reply #12 on:** June 17, 2004, 01:09:12 AM »

I wouldn't chase him down over a couple pizzas, people have been shot over dumber things.

just take down the number and give it to the owner of the shop.

as for how tragic he is. lets set aside for a minute he's a thief. I suspect the likely reason he's on food stamps is his lack of ability to tulips a certain situation and predict the reasonable outcome of a given action.

he was headed for prison anyway, anybody dumb enough to steal from someone who has seen your ID, do a car-chase over a petty theft, add assault (which in Oregon changes probation at worst offense to up to 7yr measure-11 sentence in the state pen), then just to make sure he's the stupidest man in town today, he assaults the guy who has the gun strapped right to his hip where everyone can see it.

this dumb-ass was likely headed to prison before he was headed to HS, just a matter of time before he found the right situation. the sooner he gets locked up the less trouble he can get himself in and the less people who have to suffer his company on the outside.

also if he's getting food stamps you know he's eating so the whole starving desperate bit does nothing for me.

Nash · « **Reply #13 on:** June 17, 2004, 01:09:28 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by AKS\/\/ulfe
A) They are too ****ing retarded to catch their food, I mean **** - if you were broke, you would be able to get your own food, si?

"Here! Kitty kitty kitty!"

AKcurly · « **Reply #14 on:** June 17, 2004, 01:10:47 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by Nash
Ah... see I paint tragic with a much broader brush. That guy who was drinkin' his own vomit in that link Sand posted, for example. I feel no pity for him... but yegads, he was tragic.

In a desert, it is possible for camel urine to be nectar.

curly