Author Topic: Husband's Revenge on "Headache" Wife (Read 1477 times)

beet1e · « **on:** June 28, 2004, 04:22:10 AM »

Are you married to a "headache wife", and have you ever wondered what to do about it?

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I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realising that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we?d just buy them all! She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, lets go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT??!!!"

I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs flyover a frozen hell while monkeys fly out her bum.

SaburoS · « **Reply #1 on:** June 28, 2004, 05:38:43 AM »

LOL!!!

United · « **Reply #2 on:** June 28, 2004, 10:09:30 AM »

jonnyb · « **Reply #3 on:** June 28, 2004, 10:46:13 AM »

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Red Tail 444 · « **Reply #4 on:** June 28, 2004, 10:52:50 AM »

storch · « **Reply #5 on:** June 28, 2004, 10:56:25 AM »

I don't get it? You guys are doing something wrong or you don't have the proper tools for the job at hand.

very telling post and responses from the girlymen.

Saintaw · « **Reply #6 on:** June 28, 2004, 11:31:26 AM »

Storch, your hand cannot respond... maybe that's why you don't understand

storch · « **Reply #7 on:** June 28, 2004, 11:35:00 AM »

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Originally posted by Saintaw
Storch, your hand cannot respond... maybe that's why you don't understand

Somehow something must be getting lost in the translation.

Saintaw · « **Reply #8 on:** June 28, 2004, 11:37:02 AM »

I will spell it slowly:

Storch's proper tools: his hand
Hands cannot talk

Geeez... It's monday alright.

storch · « **Reply #9 on:** June 28, 2004, 11:45:45 AM »

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Originally posted by Saintaw
I will spell it slowly:

Storch's proper tools: his hand
Hands cannot talk

Geeez... It's monday alright.

The job at hand= sex with his wife. The tool=his manhood, or in the case of the liberal girlymen the lack thereof. I don't understand because my wife never has headaches she's usually qiute ready to go and many times instigates sex. liberals have these problems of wives having headaches or whatever or so it would seem.

now go back and finish your baguette. look around and see that you don't forget your beret.

Red Tail 444 · « **Reply #10 on:** June 28, 2004, 12:01:21 PM »

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Originally posted by storch
my wife never has headaches she's usually qiute ready to go and many times instigates sex.

Blow-up dolls and audio hallucinations don't qualify as human beings.

VOR · « **Reply #11 on:** June 28, 2004, 12:02:51 PM »

Storch, you just can't let an opportunity pass you by LOL.

Thrawn · « **Reply #12 on:** June 28, 2004, 12:18:05 PM »

Storch blusters, "I have a really big dick, really I do! And I can completely sexually satisfy women, unlike you guys! Really it's true...you...you girlymen! Not me though, I'm a really like manly men honest! I...I mean I am a man!"

Why do you struggle so hard to look like a total retard?

midnight Target · « **Reply #13 on:** June 28, 2004, 12:21:36 PM »

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Originally posted by Thrawn
Storch blusters, "I have a really big dick, really I do! And I can completely sexually satisfy women, unlike you guys! Really it's true...you...you girlymen! Not me though, I'm a really like manly men honest! I...I mean I am a man!"

Why do you struggle so hard to look like a total retard?

What makes you think it's a struggle?

Red Tail 444 · « **Reply #14 on:** June 28, 2004, 12:30:29 PM »

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Originally posted by midnight Target
What makes you think it's a struggle?

Effortless.