Author Topic: Democrat or Republican? (Read 963 times)

Riggs · « **on:** July 15, 2004, 09:20:28 AM »

Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?

What with elections coming up, we should all decide.

Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southern Republicans? The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or Oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican's Answer:

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Southern Republican's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click....(sounds of reloading).
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips??"

WilldCrd · « **Reply #1 on:** July 15, 2004, 09:46:45 AM »

<~~~southern Republican

Fauxbra · « **Reply #2 on:** July 15, 2004, 10:00:49 AM »

A true southern Republican wouldnt carry a Glock and the Pointy white hoods he and his family were wearing would have scared the knife weilding bad guy away

kevykev56 · « **Reply #3 on:** July 15, 2004, 10:04:15 AM »

Quote

A true southern Republican wouldnt carry a Glock

A true southern Republican would not discriminate any gun....the Glock would be fine

RHIN0

Westy · « **Reply #4 on:** July 15, 2004, 10:04:15 AM »

"What do you do?"

Start kicking and blaming myself for being there and for my presence forcing that mild mannered, innocent man, wielding a weapon, to start screaming obscenities and charging me and my family with that a raised knife.

storch · « **Reply #5 on:** July 15, 2004, 10:09:22 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by Fauxbra
A true southern Republican wouldnt carry a Glock and the Pointy white hoods he and his family were wearing would have scared the knife weilding bad guy away

You owe me a Niki engine and wind shield you **** I guess T U R D is a no no.

Naso · « **Reply #6 on:** July 15, 2004, 10:10:04 AM »

I am surprised.

I have discovered myself as a southern republican.

There's a cure?

Or I have to resort to Assisted Suicide?

storch · « **Reply #7 on:** July 15, 2004, 10:11:00 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by Naso
I am surprised.

I have discovered myself as a southern republican.

There's a cure?

Or I have to resort to Assisted Suicide?

Move to Palermo they will solve it for you

Naso · « **Reply #8 on:** July 15, 2004, 10:26:04 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by storch
Move to Palermo they will solve it for you

Thanks for the hint, you are a good friend.

Nilsen · « **Reply #9 on:** July 15, 2004, 10:38:19 AM »

I would ask my girlfriend to deal with it. She claims i dont take her seriously anyway so id give her a chanse to solve the problem.

Grits · « **Reply #10 on:** July 15, 2004, 11:39:53 AM »

I wouldnt do anything until the U.N. gave me permission, which we all know is the stamp of legitimacy these days.

mosgood · « **Reply #11 on:** July 15, 2004, 11:41:34 AM »

hmmm.... well I've never had a problem meeting women and I can always make NEW kids.... RUN!!!!!

vorticon · « **Reply #12 on:** July 15, 2004, 11:42:52 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by Grits
which we all know is the stamp of legitimacy these days.

thanks to americas strong backing of its stamps...

DJ111 · « **Reply #13 on:** July 15, 2004, 11:45:53 AM »

I'm gettin good use outta this one lately

(I'd be a Southern Republican)

Grits · « **Reply #14 on:** July 15, 2004, 08:44:47 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by vorticon
thanks to americas strong backing of its stamps...

If the U.N. did something other than bilk member states for money, maybe we could back them.

You know France is blocking U.N. intervention to stop genocide in the Sudan because it might harm economic arrangements there right? Anybody remember the U.N.'s decisive action to save innocent people from genocide in Cambodia, the Balkans, Rwanda, Liberia, or East Timor?