Can't you all see? Doesn't this all make sense? This poor fellow is one of those under-appreciated, misunderstood, crying out for help little boys that is ready to crack.
If he doesn't get the love and attention he needs soon, he will probably become some sort of deranged lunatic and commit some sort of horrible crime.
We should all pitch in and buy him an account so that he will feel better, otherwise he could end up in a life of crime, be put into state prison and become the favorite plaything of a big dude named Bubba the mighty oak.
Zapkin... we all love you... group hug

Midnight is coming.... BEWARE THE NIGHT