Muslim Teen Abducts Puppy
Threatens Decapitation Unless Philippino Teacher Cancels Algebra Test
7/27/2004 - Robert Krupto
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Deerfield, IL - Chicago teen Abdel-Rahman Al-Aziz abducted his neighbor’s beagle puppy yesterday and sent a video to his Philippino math teacher, Mr. Sangalang, threatening to behead the puppy unless, “Mr. Simmons cancels his wicked algebra test Friday.” The owner of the puppy, neighbor Douglass Yorn, was said to be “kinda worried” about his puppy, but added that he “really got the thing for [ex-girlfriend] Kathy and it pees all over the place anyway.”
The video shows Al-Aziz in a Spiderman mask holding the puppy, which alternately attempts to lick Aziz’ face and its own behind; it also licks the knife that Aziz holds to its throat. Aziz read from a prepared statement that, “Allah has no desire for Muslims to learn math; it is a colonial brain washing technique imposed upon Muslims by the Crusaders. I quote from the Koran, Sura 51: 12, ‘Allah has numbered the stars greater than can be counted; he who heretofore attempts to count the stars counters the will of Allah.’ Such is the word of Allah. I will give the vile Snuggles 48 hours to live—if Mr. Sangalang does not cancel the test I will slit Snuggle’s throat from ear to ear.” Snuggles, upon hearing his own name, licked Aziz’ ear and peed on him.
It is unclear whether the threat will have any effect. Although the Philipine ambassador to the United States requested the cancellation all algebra texts nationwide, Mr. Sangalang has a reputation of being a “stickler” and may not acquiesce to the demand. The fate of Snuggles remains unknown, but PETA released a statement that it is “against the torture of all animals, even if by oppressed Muslims.”
Following the ransomed release of a Philippino truck driver in Iraq, Muslims continue to extract ransoms from Philippines worldwide. In Saudi Arabia businessman Abdul Hadi threated to burn a picture of his Philippina maid’s son unless she agreed to work overtime for no pay, and in India a group of Philippino computer consultants had to pay thousands of dollars to retrieve their IPods, which were stolen by a group of Muslim janitors. Philippino Muslims find themselves doubly confused, and have taken to kidnapping their own children to ransom to themselves.
