Those wacky O’Club diplomats are at it again. This time, it’s the year 1861, and the map is the Imperial map. Thirteen players began to wage diplomatic war this year, and how many will remain standing at the end is anyone’s guess.
We begin on the American continents:
CSA- President Reschke of the Confederate State of America finds himself in a delicate position, his fledgling country sandwiched between a potentially hostile United States of America on his northern border, and the historical enemy Mexico firmly entrenched on his southern border. So far, President Reschke has skillfully managed to peacefully co-exist with both nations, and has even managed to establish new cotton mills in Cuba. Ah, but the question is, what does the Mexican King think of Cuba being occupied by the Confederates?
USA- Similarly, President Nefarious of the United States of America faces the unpleasant possibility of war between his country and two others, Great Britain and The CSA. Wisely judging that immediate hostilities could lead to disaster, he has apparently instructed his ambassadors to make friends instead of enemies, and has carefully expanded his empire so as not to disturb his neighbors.
Mexico- King Dowding’s empire is small, but has some limited room for expansion at the beginning stages of the game. He has soberly sized up the situation, and has begun the tasks of growing his empire, and acquiring friends with which he hopes to stave of destruction. But which nations are his friends, and which are his enemies? Perhaps his ambassadors have been successful, and he has no enemies. Only time will tell.
Brazil- Emperor Habu of Brazil has had a challenging start to the game. Life at the top has it’s moments of stark terror and utter frustration, and Emperor Habu has already has already sampled the bitter taste of frustration in 1861. It would seem that his command staff is in need of a good arse kicking, since it made a couple of unfortunate gaffes in the fall, causing Brazil to miss two crucial builds. Times have been hard, alas, so good help is hard to find. Nothing that a good sacking or two can’t remedy, so if he keeps his wits about him, he may be able to salvage the situation before other countries decide to make his country pay for its mistakes.
Moving east to Europe and Africa, we discover a extremely flammable powder keg just begging for a spark to set it alight.
Great Britain- Ah, how good it is to be king….and how downright scary it is to be king! As the most powerful nation on the map, Great Britain arguably has the most difficult task in the game. How will King No.6 continue to grow his empire and increase his power base, without gaining the enmity of every other nation? The world wonders. He no doubt won’t be able to do it without friends, but one wonders how safe any potential friends of Britain can feel, knowing that as they simultaneously help Britain, they may be bringing their own country one step closer to being gobbled up by “The empire where the sun never sets”. I’m afraid the good king has his work cut out for him. He may have to wear many hats in this game: part used-buggy salesman, part mediator, part warmonger. Is King No.6 up to the challenge? If his opening moves are any indication, I think he’s well on his way to a glorious career.
France- If you think King No.6 has it rough, try being French President Bodhi. Hemmed in by the British in the north and by the Prussians, Dutch and Austrians in the East, President Bodhi has his hands full from the start. With some room to maneuver in Africa, he may do well there. But in the other places of his far-flung empire, he finds himself weak, and close to larger native rulers, who may not fancy his country’s designs on what they consider to be their rightful homelands. Is it possible the French president has already seen the benefit of an entente’ cordiale or two with some of his neighbors? We may soon find out.
Holland- Speaking of being hemmed in, can you say surrounded? I’m sure that Dutch King SOB can. His lonely little fleet in Holland is hanging in there, trying to stave off the dangers of having so many hungry neighbors. One can surely believe that the King’s ambassadors are working overtime to strike a bargain with someone who can help him protect his homeland. Not all is lost, however. The good king has a vast empire, with solid outposts in southern Africa and the Dutch East Indies. His challenge will be to somehow keep his homeland from being swallowed up while he makes progress with his imperial forces in foreign lands.
Prussia- Kaiser Sling of Prussia faces the traditional dilemma of the Prussians- being surrounded on all sides by potential enemies. But this is Prussia’s chance to re-write history, and make friends of enemies. Will Kaiser Sling attempt to use the fearsome Prussian army to conquer all, or will he take to the sea in an early attempt to challenge English naval supremacy? Or will this be a new, kinder, gentler Kaiser, who wields his diplomatic bag of tricks more readily than his sword? The world holds it’s breath in anticipation of Prussia’s movements.
Austria- Playing Austria is often considered the kiss of death in the standard game of Diplomacy. But with the Imperial map, Austria begins the game in a much better position, with strong possibilities for expansion and exploration. Based on his opening moves, Emperor fd-ski is taking advantage of every minute. Up to this point, he has deftly avoided any entanglements with foreign invaders, and has quietly built up a solid defense for his country. The question on everyone’s lips now, is: Where to now, Emperor?
Turkey- Another ruler going about his business of expansion as quietly as possible, Sultan Sandman has been busy growing his empire. But now, his armies and navies have brushed up against the forces of rival nations. Are the Russians and the British going to stand idly by while the Sultan swallows Persia and the rest of the middle east? The Sultan still has room to maneuver in Africa, however, so his options are still open.
We now move onto the lands and rulers of Asia.
Russia- At last, a country where ambassadors and embassies play second fiddle to military might. Russia’s Tsar Nuke has taken the bull by the horns, and has so far let his Cossacks and Tartar horsemen do the talking. And when the Tsar of Russia and all the Russians speaks, the world takes notice. Whether it is storming the backwards lands of the Chinese, or conquering the wilds of the Yukon, the Tsar’s forces have given notice to the world that the Russian bear is not to be trifled with. Can the Russian bear conquer all without help? Not likely. But which countries will the Tsar try to win over to his side?
China- It may not be the year of the bear in China, but you wouldn’t know it by looking at the map. Emperor Bruce “Nash” Lee may not look anything like Goldie-locks, but there’s no denying that the Russian bear has found China’s porridge to taste “just right”. With apologies to Robert Preston, China is in trouble with a capital T that rhymes with P and it stands for “Pwn3d”. There’s no doubt about it: China is reeling from being cold-cocked by the Russian steamroller. Coupled with that, Emperor Lee is having difficulties with his Japanese neighbors to the east. Does China have *any* friends? Will China be able to defend itself from the hordes from the west? And will Emperor Lee ever switch to decaf? Stay tuned, there definitely is big trouble in little China.
Japan- We end our little tour of 1861 with the Japanese. If Emperor Skull was feeling a little bit unsure of where to expand, he now must realize that he needs to expand, anywhere, and pronto! Unless the Emperor enjoys Beluga caviar and Russian Vodka, he had also better be looking for some help from other countries. Luckily, the emperor does have some room for expansion, and can survive and prosper with a little help from it’s friends.
So far, it can safely be said that most of the countries are going out of their way to be polite to their neighbors. As everyone knows, however, this can’t last. Will 1862 be the year of “the big one”, or will it be calm seas and prosperous voyages for all concerned?
I know where my money lies.
Respectfully submitted,
Master banana
