Here are some tips from the full time bomber pilot.
Things to check before takeoff:
1. Before leaving the base, make sure that the fridge in the back of the plane is full of beer. Otherwise, you may find yourself running low.
2. Make sure that the crew has stocked enough Bar Nuts and Beef Jerky.
3. Make sure the Bathroom in the back of the plane is clean.
4. Make sure the crew cleans out the septic tank.
5. Make sure the crew stocks alot of toliet paper.
6. Check to make sure that the TV in the "pit" works.
7. Make sure the TV has a remote.
8. Make sure the remote has one of those beeper things on it.
9. Make sure the crew did not put "watered down gas" in your plane.
10. Make sure the satalite dish works.
11. Pack a satalite transponder.
12. Check and make sure that your Autopilot is not HAL 2000.
13. Make sure you have "real ammo".
Here are some "in flight" things:
1. If you had beans for dinner, leave the windows in the open position.
2. The prop is not a "can opener".
3. Remember, staying in the bathroom for more than 3 hours, puts at you risk of being shot down.
4. Watching enemy porn channels on TV, is a good sorce for laughs.
5. Never spit into the wind.
6. Never piss out the window unless you are under 5k, and over enemy homeland.
7. Blowing chunks out the window can bad for the engines.
8. The Norden Bomb sight can double as a nice footrest.
9. Never reach for a beer while maning tail guns.
10. Never fly a bomber sober.
11. Never fart and smoke while in a bomber.
12. Always flush the toliet over enemy homeland.
13. Giving the finger to friendly bomber pilots can lead to a fight in the hanger.
14. Empty Beer cans make great ammo.
15. Never pretend to ride a bomb while in mid flight.
These are some tips to make your flight better, I'll be back with more later.
The Cow in the Sky
