for me, flight sims are about the goal. why? because thats how it was irl. fighters didnt dogfight for the sake of the fight. they fought to obtain superiority over friendly troops, to interdict the enemy, to cripple enemy industry, to escort enemy bombers. to win the war.
what you say you hate you in reality love: insta respawn action in a big ffa environment.
Then again I dont believe in the HA either. Because ppl have too much CHOICE there.
Really, what I would like best is if offline flight sims just had enemy ai and friendly interaction with countrymen and squadmates. Like playing a dynamic campaign in falcon 4 for example. Someone plans the missions that need to be flown, and you sign up for a flight, get friends to accompany you, and complete the mission specified with minimal casualties.
And hopefully have some great fights along the way

I guess in a way you prefer the fencing while I prefer the actual battle.