I was against the first Iraq war, I am against the second Iraq war, but I voted for it. Now I'm against it, but I was for it. I support the UN. I'm against terrorism and against the Iraq war. But I voted for the Iraq war. So, I voted against the first war and supported the second war, wait...
I'm against gay marriage but for gay unions. I support gays but think the San Francisco mayor is wrong. I support gay marriages. No, wait, gay unions.
I'm Catholic. Wait, I'm Jewish. My dad was Jewish. But I was raised Catholic. What am I? I don't want to confuse people.
I am for abortions, but wait, I'm Catholic, and Catholics are pro-life.
But I might consider putting pro-life judges in office, but I'm not sure. I do know I voted for a pro-life judge, but I stated that it was a mistake.
I went to Vietnam. But I was against Vietnam. I testified against fellow US troops in Vietnam, threw my medals away and led others to do the same. But I am a war hero. Against the war.
I stated I threw my medals away and then I threw my ribbons away. I then revealed that I threw my ribbons away but not my medals; then lately I stated that I threw someone else's medals away and never threw anything of mine away.
I believe ribbons and medals aren't the same thing. Medals come with ribbons, so now I believe that ribbons and medals are the same thing besides the fact that ribbons are cloth and medals are metal.
I wrote a book that pictured the US flag upside-down on its cover. But now I fly and campaign in a plane with a large flag right-side up on it. But sometimes, we fly upside-down for fun.
Yasser Arafat is a hero and a statesman. The Israelis shouldn't kill Palestinian terrorists, but they should stop terrorism. Yasser Arafat is a terrorist supporter. I support Mideast peace.
I am for the common man, unlike Bush. I am against the rich. But my family is worth over 500 million dollars, has a jet, seven houses, and many SUVs. I am the common man.
I am against sending jobs overseas. My wife is a Heinz heir, and Heinz has over 72 factories offshore. I am against rewarding companies for exporting jobs as long as it is not Heinz.
I own $1 million in Wal-Mart stock. I believe Wal-Mart is evil by driving small business owners out of town. I am a capitalist, and I own part of Wal-Mart, but I am the poster boy for small corporate America.
I own SUVs when I talk to my followers in Detroit, MI. Teresa owns SUVs; I personally don't really own any SUV's, especially when I'm talking to tree hugging followers. I have a private jet called 'Flying Squirrel' that gets 1/3 mpg, which is great fuel efficiency.
I am against making military service an issue in presidential elections. I defended Clinton the draft dodger and stated that all serve in their own capacity whether they draft dodge or not. Did I mention that I served in Vietnam and am a hero? Are you questioning my patriotism? I served in Vietnam. My opponent didn't. I have three purple hearts! Or was it four? Well, I don't really HAVE them anymore. Not sure what I did with them. I am a hero. I am qualified to run this country since I served in a war. Even though it was just for four months. I'll say anything to be elected president--even if it's just for four months.
I am John Kerry.
