Single Dads

[MwXX]

While my daughter takes a nap, I sit here and read all these posts about this game about how this needs this and this needs that....and I think to myself (who cares).

To the single dads who drop off their kids off on Sundays and miss them with all the love a father can give, I all of you. You know who u are....and dont worry....your not alone.

I come here on Sunday nights, taking what I can get and appreciate every minute of it....

So to HTC, and the Dads who dread the drive home after dropping off your kids...   I understand.

all of u!

[Maverick]

Hang in there and keep fighting to stay in contact with the kid(s) as time goes on. They need influence from both sides of the estranged family and all the love you can give them.

[lazs2]

been there a couple of times... been on the other side of the equation too.... let's just say that it is no picnic to raise a child by yourself either..

truth is.... there is no elegant solution when parents break up.... I got the first joint custody ruling in my county a long time ago... 1 week with each parent.    judge acted like we were spitting on the bench or something... no lawyers were involved.  worked out pretty well.

lazs

[Curval]

Big to all single Dad's.  

MwXX, I've been the kid in that situation.  Believe me there is a pit in the child's stomach every Sunday night too.  

I lived through it and hopefully won't face what you have to now.

Love them and spend as much time as you can with them.  

[MwXX]

Thanks Curvy.... and Company...

[baders]

I'm a single dad of two kids, & have custody as well. I fought hard for them because I realised I had more to offer them. It was the best thing I EVER did. Good luck to you & your kids.

[eddiek]

I, too, am a single dad.
Both of us, my son and I, wanted it this way.
When his mother (notice I did not say "Mom") left us for another man, he told me flat out that if she and I could not work things out, he had no desire to go with her.
Over the past year since we separated, and the eight months since the divorce, I've relished in the times I have with him.
Meanwhile, she keeps making one mistake after another, driving the wedge between my son and herself deeper and deeper, and apparently has NO CLUE what being a parent is about.
The saddest part is hearing him tell me he wishes she were out of his life (she only sees him maybe once a month, says she doesn't have the money to come see him), that he wishes she were not his mother, and that he never thinks about her unless she calls him or me on the phone and starts causing grief.
It's hard at times, challenging all the time, but well worth the efforts.
Hardest part for me is leaving town for job assignments for two to four day stretches and having to leave him with friends here in town.
lazs, how did you do your divorce/custody?
I did all of mine myself, from printing up the court papers, to filing, to representing myself on the day of the final decree.
The judge scared me to death when they did the docket call, telling me "You better watch what you say, because if you don't say the right words, I cannot grant you your divorce."
So, I get up there with my printed "script" (I've since decided that divorces are more like a one act play....read your lines, say the right things, and get it over with), feeling like Matlock without the white suit, and less than 5 minutes after I start he stops me and says he is granting my divorce.  No questions asked about why I wanted and got custody of my son, just asked about the figures I came up with for her to pay on monthly child support, and that was that.
I walked out of that courtroom very humbled, but also feeling like I had been set free from a prison sentence.
to all the other single dads in the world.
And BS to anyone who says the child should always be with the mother.  Just like there is a difference between being a father and being a Daddy, there is a big difference between being a mother and a Mom.

[Curval]

My wife is going away on the 8th December for about 5 days leaving me alone with the two boys.

I'm afraid...very afraid.

I really am amazed by any "sucessful" single parent, male or female.

I agree with eddick regarding fathers rights though too.  I've seen some horrible things happen to guys who basically lose their kids.

[Airhead]

Originally posted by Curval

I really am amazed by any "sucessful" single parent, male or female.
 

That's an oxymoron-  there is no such thing as a "successful single parent." If you are now "single," and a "parent," then you have failed as a parent already.

[Maverick]

Airhead, that statement is one of mere opinion. It is spoken as a true statement and is in fact false in many cases.

[Sparks]

Airhead - that is probably the single worst thing I have seen on this BBS.  As one of 3 brothers raised by our mother after my father left I know her to be the finest parent I have ever seen.

MwXX - I've been separated 2 years now but have been extremely lucky in that my ex and I get on well so I have unlimited access.  All I can say is see her as much as you can and stay in her life and you will still be her dad not just her father. I don't know how old she is - mine is 17 -  but call, write, drop round but be around as much as you can.  I travel a lot with work but call almost daily, text (SMS), e-mail, pictures and when I'm home do whatever I can - taxi-ing, meet in town for coffee, evenings in with films, anything to be in her life as much as possible - and I'm still her dad.

Hang in MmXX and you will always be her dad.

Sparks

[opus]

>> If you are now "single," and a "parent," then you have failed as a parent already.<<

And if your spouse has died, how are you a failure?

[Airhead]

Originally posted by Sparks
Airhead - that is probably the single worst thing I have seen on this BBS.  As one of 3 brothers raised by our mother after my father left I know her to be the finest parent I have ever seen.

 

Pshaw, Sparks- I've said much worse than that, this week alone. Pay attention. . And not to get into a Battle of Intrepid Single Parents, but my dad deserted his family (I was the oldest of five) and my Mom and I did field work in the summers and lived in public housing, drew welfare, etc. I know first hand the inpact of having the breadwinner abandon the family, and have been blessed to have the most wonderful Mother there is.

But this statement "If you are now 'single,' and a 'parent,' then you have failed as a parent already" is true, and here's why-

When you make that commitment to have children you have entered into a contract (spiritually and legally) with your spouse to become a "family." The contract length is 18 years, minimum, and for those 18 years you are bound to the terms for being part of the family- you agree to love your family, to nurture your family, to provide for your family, to put the intrests of the family above your own.

Unfortunately we live in the most Machavellian of times, and two out of three marriages end in divorce- husbands want to "have fun," wives feel like they're "missing something"- so marriages fail because the parents are too concerned over their own wants to consider the needs of the children.

This doesn't mean you should quit being a parent; indeed, you have to make an even bigger effort to be there for your child's red letter days. But Option One is, obviously, two parents working for the welfare of their family, together. Anything less than that is a failing at some point along the line.

[lazs2]

eddiek... I caught my last x at a weak (read reasonable) moment and we got a paralegal to help write and file all the paperwork.   The x didn't realize that she didn't have to be fair till it was too late.

lazs

[Airhead]

FWIW Lazs is as good a Dad, and a Granddad, as there is.