Author Topic: Sammy Wammy again.... (Read 654 times)

Curval · « **on:** November 26, 2004, 08:39:03 AM »

My 3 year old son has been a right little terror for about the past 4 or 5 months.

He has been misbehaving more and more often, answering back to his mother (and even me!!!...big no no in my mind), and pinching and hitting both his older brother and our 10 month old baby girl.

The other morning was the "last straw".

At about 5.30am I awoke to the baby screaming. She would scream, take a breath and then scream some more...over and over again. Eventually I realised it wasn't going to stop and that something serious must be wrong.

I arrive in her room to find her mother clutching her and yelling at Sammy saying "Look at what you did to her."

She notices me coming in the room and turns the baby so that I can see.

There was a big purple "golf ball" on her forehead with a cut in the middle pouring blood. It looked pretty horrible...but turned out to be okay. She was just scared and no doubt sore.

Sammy had thrown a "sippy cup" shaped like an old barrel at her from about two feet away.

I didn't spank Sammy for this as I was not a witness to the incident and also because I wasn't sure if spanking was what we should do.

Having given the matter some deep deep thought I began to realise that Sammy was acting out and crying for attention. When I sat back and truely reflected on his behaviour I saw a pattern that was unmistakable. He had been misbehaving to draw attention away from the baby and onto himself. He had been doing THIS very sucessfully.

The problem is that all the attention he was getting was negative and was self-perpetuating.

Basically the whole situation, in retrospect, is OUR fault for not giving him the good kind of individual attention he has been craving.

So...that night he was fast asleep by the time I got home (as he was up at 5.30 walloping the baby with sippy cups) and he had not eaten any dinner. This always means he would be up at 10.30-11.00pm asking for food.

Sure enough 10.30pm rolls around and Sammy wants to eat. We welcomed him downstairs and the wife and I fed him while playing and just talking to him. He was in his GLORY.

The next morning he was as good as gold. He ate his breakfast with no fussing, got dressed for school and was generally the helpful little boy he used to be.

That night a very wary baby allowed him to play with her, he was gentle and very apologetic...not realising the baby cannot yet understand what he was saying.

This morning I took Sammy aside. I told him that this weekend he and Daddy would go out, just the two of us, and do whatever HE wanted to do for a couple of hours. (I have done the same thing with the older boy on numerous occasion and already told him that I would be doing the same for Sammy...he wasn't happy but agreed).

Sammy was so excited he was skipping around the house, singing and jumping about that put a huge smile on both my wife's and my face.

So, I am hopeful we have nipped this problem in the "bud".

Only time will tell.

deSelys · « **Reply #1 on:** November 26, 2004, 08:48:16 AM »

Hey I think you're on the right path. Although you should try to make him say that he wants more attention from you before you begin to go out and spend some time with him. He has to understand that he definitely can't act like that to get what he needs but that he should formulate his needs instead.

Our soon to be 3 yrs old has been a real pirate * a month ago until we realized that we were asking too much from him...he was just exhausted.

* I still think about signing him into SW's school though...

Curval · « **Reply #2 on:** November 26, 2004, 08:54:05 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by deSelys
Hey I think you're on the right path. Although you should try to make him say that he wants more attention from you before you begin to go out and spend some time with him. He has to understand that he definitely can't act like that to get what he needs but that he should formulate his needs instead.

Understood, but it is very difficult to "reason" with a three year old...or at least THIS 3 year old.

Good advice though...I'll see what I can do.

Maverick · « **Reply #3 on:** November 26, 2004, 09:36:07 AM »

At times it's hard to realize that raising a child IS a full time job. When you're caught up in the daily grind it's easy to short change the kids who don't realize the demands on your time in your life. They want to be noticed and a part of your life, not just a minor appointment on your schedule for the week.

Congrats for recognizing your children have very real NEEDS from their parents.

Rude · « **Reply #4 on:** November 26, 2004, 09:45:42 AM »

Quote

Basically the whole situation, in retrospect, is OUR fault for not giving him the good kind of individual attention he has been craving.

My friend, my friend......

While your point is valid regarding the young one seeking attention, it is certainly not your fault....while he may want more attention, the act of beaning your little one on the head is not the proper path to take regardless of his little feelings.

Take it from a father of four....he needs his hiney waxed.

My method always goes like this....first I sit them down and explain that they will be recieving a whoopin....I calmly explain why they are going to get whooped and that they are responsible for the choices and actions they take and that (the behavior) will never be tolerated by Mom and Dad.

They then get whooped....never by the hand as the hands are for lovin and never more than three swats....any old belt or such will work just fine.

After the whoopin, I sit with them and tell them I love them, that I know they will do better next time and that as far as the crime they committed, they are forgiven and the whoopin and said crime are forgotten.

A good strong hug and some lovin to follow, I have always have reaped happy and well informed kids.

ALL of our friends have always repeatedly told us, your kids are so happy and well behaved, how do you do it?

Kids need strong boundaries in their lives Curv or they will be miserable and so will you and the wifey:)

Take Care and Happy Holidays Island Boy:)

Habu · « **Reply #5 on:** November 26, 2004, 09:50:17 AM »

I blame France for what happend.

Staga · « **Reply #6 on:** November 26, 2004, 09:50:42 AM »

I'm sure good old fashioned spanking would work in this case; maybe spiced with couple *****-slaps to give the spanking some depth

Curval · « **Reply #7 on:** November 26, 2004, 10:13:41 AM »

Rude my good friend.

Very valid points and in Sammy's case I have not spared him any spankings in the past...unfortuantely it has not had the desired effect. In this particular case I didn't spank him for two reasons:

1. I waited about 15 minutes before I went into the room in the hope that the baby would stop crying. I need my beauty sleep man

and I knew it wasn't too serious

a) Because she was crying. I have found that when they DON'T cry it is much more serious.

b) Because her mother had not rushed headlong into the room to wake me up and tell me she was taking the baby to the hospital.

The 15 minutes I waited, in my opinion, was too long a gap between the incident and the necessary spanking. If a spanking was going to happen it needed to be done as soon as the incident happened.

Just my opinion.

2. Sammy has been spanked in the past. His reaction:

He runs away and sulks.

He refuses to discuss anything and wants to be on his own. Sitting him down and talking to him is impossible. He is a stubborn little monster when he wants to be believe me.

In HIS case I really don't agree that spanking is the answer.

Dago · « **Reply #8 on:** November 26, 2004, 10:46:42 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by Habu
I blame France for what happend.

Ya sure it's not Bushs fault?

dago

RTStuka · « **Reply #9 on:** November 26, 2004, 11:27:19 AM »

I used to get whoopins all the time, and not to brag but my parents were always told how well behaved my brother and I were when we were out. I see these stories now about kids getting yelled at in school, telling their parents and the parents flip out, I think thats crazy. I know whenever I got in trouble as a kid in school, I dont care what the teacher did to me, my parents were never finding out. Because if I came home and was like "Mom the teacher spanked me cause I was bad" Id get my bellybutton kicked again by my parents for getting in trouble.

DieAz · « **Reply #10 on:** November 26, 2004, 12:40:29 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by RTStuka
I know whenever I got in trouble as a kid in school, I dont care what the teacher did to me, my parents were never finding out. Because if I came home and was like "Mom the teacher spanked me cause I was bad" Id get my bellybutton kicked again by my parents for getting in trouble.

LOL same here. a lot of notes, that the teachers gave me to get mom or pop sign about whatever, never made it home. after a while the taste of paper wasn't so bad and my butt thanked my mouth many times.

RTStuka · « **Reply #11 on:** November 26, 2004, 01:48:46 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by DieAz
LOL same here. a lot of notes, that the teachers gave me to get mom or pop sign about whatever, never made it home. after a while the taste of paper wasn't so bad and my butt thanked my mouth many times.

HAHAHA I hear you there, I grew up in a samll town and I remember getting in trouble on the bus once, I was like 8 and I thought I had covered up the whole thing from my parents. Then my mom ran into the bus driver at the store and let me tell you first I got it for not telling them then I got it for what I did on the bus.

CavemanJ · « **Reply #12 on:** November 26, 2004, 04:32:05 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Curval
2. Sammy has been spanked in the past. His reaction:

He runs away and sulks.

He refuses to discuss anything and wants to be on his own. Sitting him down and talking to him is impossible. He is a stubborn little monster when he wants to be believe me.

In HIS case I really don't agree that spanking is the answer.

Discuss it before the spanking is administered, as Rude said. I also agree with Rude that this deserved a hiney waxing.

15minutes being too long... that's your judgement call to make. If the kid connects you arriving with the belt in hand to what they did to deserve it, it's not too long in my opinion. If they don't make the connection, probably too long after the fact.

For belts, I like a nice, heavy leather work-type belt. I've found one that gets great results with minimal force. The sound of the impact scares my boys into thinking they've been spanked much harder than they actually were. Unfortunately this kind of trick won't work on my 4yo's much longer.

Rude · « **Reply #13 on:** November 26, 2004, 05:01:14 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Curval
Rude my good friend.

Very valid points and in Sammy's case I have not spared him any spankings in the past...unfortuantely it has not had the desired effect. In this particular case I didn't spank him for two reasons:

1. I waited about 15 minutes before I went into the room in the hope that the baby would stop crying. I need my beauty sleep man and I knew it wasn't too serious

a) Because she was crying. I have found that when they DON'T cry it is much more serious.

b) Because her mother had not rushed headlong into the room to wake me up and tell me she was taking the baby to the hospital.

The 15 minutes I waited, in my opinion, was too long a gap between the incident and the necessary spanking. If a spanking was going to happen it needed to be done as soon as the incident happened.

Just my opinion.

2. Sammy has been spanked in the past. His reaction:

He runs away and sulks.

He refuses to discuss anything and wants to be on his own. Sitting him down and talking to him is impossible. He is a stubborn little monster when he wants to be believe me.

In HIS case I really don't agree that spanking is the answer.

I agree on the 15 minutes thingie....not fair to the child to delay the punishment, especially at that age.

We never let our kids go off by themselves....the mind tends to imagine bad things, especially an immature mind....we socialize them immediately after the whoopin....hang out with the family is the best path to healing.

As to him sulking, I might suggest that the whoopin in your home might not be of the high octane kind my kids get....believe, when they get whooped, they know it....now mom is an entirely different thing:)

If you give a whoopin, make sure they never forget it....love pats won't work:)

Cyas!

Elfie · « **Reply #14 on:** November 26, 2004, 05:19:24 PM »

Curval another thing to try is involving your 3 yr old in taking care of the baby. Many times children are jealous of the attention that babies REQUIRE. Involving your 3 yr old can be as simple as having him get a clean diaper for the baby....then sincerely thanking him for his efforts. There are many ways your 3 yr old can help out, I give you one example and leave the rest of the thinking to you