Author Topic: Internet dating (Read 546 times)

rogwar · « **on:** January 02, 2005, 12:47:42 AM »

Someone sent me this glossary, but I edited it for board viewing before posting. Thought it was funny. The edited parts are in quotation marks.

*Strong woman* - "Female dog" with a severe case of self entitlement.
*Classy - "Female dog like" 45 year old real estate agent type.
*Seeking gentleman - Looking for rich guy who isn't interested in sex.
*World traveler - would love to go to Europe as long as you're buying.
*Intelligent - She isn't but thinks she is, and you'd better entertain her.
*Rubenesque - Fat
*Sarcastic - Bought into the whole Gen X irony thing and is really a miserable bore to hang out with.
*Make me laugh - You're expected to be highly entertaining right away.
*Sick of bar scene - She doesn't get hit on at bars due to one or more physical flaws.
*Friends first - Reformed "girl that gets around"
*Tired of games/jerks - I "was quite promiscuous" my way through fifteen counties, but now I want a docile schmuck to pay my bills and not pester me for sex.
*Shapely-Fat
*BBW - Grossly, morbidly obese (Bring Burgers With)
*Must like kids - I want a putz who will break his "rear" paying for another man's cast off progeny.
*Loves the Outdoors - Closet Lesbo
*Snuggling and Warm Fires - No Sex
*Enjoys Traveling - You're paying, right?
*Fun Loving - "was with" 100 guys
*Meaningful Relationship - Slavery
*Nurturing - Smothering
*Sassy - Insufferable by the third date.
*Bubbly - All "blanking" happy all the damn time to the point of annoying.
*No games! - I won't put up with your games, but I will gladly infuriate you with mine.
*Eccentric or quirky - Psycho...
*Grown up man - Sucker willing to marry and support my lazy fat "rear".
* Financially Secure - You should own about 200,000 shares of MSFT

Sp4de · « **Reply #1 on:** January 02, 2005, 01:03:35 AM »

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA OMG THIS IS SO TRUE HAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAH:rofl

Leslie · « **Reply #2 on:** January 02, 2005, 01:19:18 AM »

*No games! - I won't put up with your games, but I will gladly infuriate you with mine.

Does that include Aces High?

Les

Dago · « **Reply #3 on:** January 02, 2005, 09:32:50 AM »

Fine list, no doubt true.

Did you ever wonder why a woman who describes herself as such a wonderful catch has to advertise in some single paper for a guy? Wouldnt guys be falling all over each other chsing her without an ad if she were such a great catch?

And chicks want a guy who is "tall, fit, financially secure, loves kids, funny and loves to travel", why would they think such a guy would actually be looking in the advertisments for a girl??? Any guy fitting that description already has girls chasing him to the point of madness, he sure doesnt have to look for more.

Pretty well summed up in the definitions provided, most of them are chubby, old, with kids they want someone to pay for, and a guy with a bunch of money to marry so they can sit home and watch soaps all day while they think of new ways to make the guy miserable.

dago

Pongo · « **Reply #4 on:** January 02, 2005, 12:15:25 PM »

Internet dating rocks. Just make sure the picture they provide has a date stamp. Woman love using pictures that are as much as a decade old.

spitfiremkv · « **Reply #5 on:** January 02, 2005, 02:27:39 PM »

Looking for lady who does not mind sticky white fluid in various orifices or on various body parts.

Dune · « **Reply #6 on:** January 02, 2005, 04:28:16 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by spitfiremkv
Looking for lady who does not mind sticky white fluid in various orifices or on various body parts.

Gonna be hard to find a woman who wants a man covered in jizz, but I wish you luck.

spitfiremkv · « **Reply #7 on:** January 02, 2005, 05:41:25 PM »

hehe I was referring to her body.

Sandman · « **Reply #8 on:** January 02, 2005, 11:35:10 PM »

Seems to me that finding a woman between the ages of 30 and 40 that is not involved in some sort of committed relationship is a lot like looking for a parking spot at the mall during Christmas season.

There are some to be found, but odds are they're handicapped.

Saintaw · « **Reply #9 on:** January 03, 2005, 08:08:22 AM »

My thoughts exactly Dago!

Why bother looking on the intardnet (dear cod... we know, from reading this BBS you'll only find psychos, peta pple or strippers on the web). I'd rather go to a bar downtown and look at what I'll buy instead of browsing through an online catalogue with black & white pictures of teens...and end up with my inlaw.

Nilsen · « **Reply #10 on:** January 03, 2005, 08:57:52 AM »

lazs2 · « **Reply #11 on:** January 03, 2005, 10:14:47 AM »

it can also be an opportunity to be totally truthful... Guys at work were laughing at the match.com thing when after 9/11 it went through the roof... every man on it was looking for a woman to walk on the beach with and sit by the fire in exotic lands and snuggle and all kinda wussie crap... they were all looking for a "meaningful relationship with the right woman".

The guys felt that I could do a better job so I wrote and submitted one with a pic of me in front of a Hot Rod. I started with "looking for a man to ruin yiour life?" pretty much said that I despised liberal ideas... wanted a woman for weekend sex and had allready been married plenty... I said that I allready had plenty of hobies but that mostly women wouldn't be interested in them and that going by past experiance, I probly wouldn't be interested in any of their hobbies.

I got a lot of emails (and then calls) from women to tell me how despicable and wron I was... most spent the night after we met for "cofee". some were fairly attractive. I was under no burden to impress after my "profile"...

was pretty funny really... still with the last one I met.

lazs

boxboy28 · « **Reply #12 on:** January 03, 2005, 10:25:10 AM »

Laz your than man! ^5:aok

lazs2 · « **Reply #13 on:** January 03, 2005, 10:32:40 AM »

thanks boxboy... most people who have read the "profile" I wrote were laughing so hard that they could barely get out "how the hell did you ever get any response?"

I believe that there is someone out there for all of us.. most of us try so hard tho to be everything to everybody that we get lost in the sea of like minded people. I believe a large percentage of women like men to be men and not hairier versions of themselves or their girlfriends.

I believe women expect men to be loud and like shooting guns and doing dangerous things with machinery.

I believe that women are naturaly deceptive and they recognize deception in men and use it against em.... women are naturaly weak and the same thing applies... they do not want a pandering weak man... they don't want kerrie voters.

lazs

genozaur · « **Reply #14 on:** January 03, 2005, 01:07:19 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Pongo
Internet dating rocks. Just make sure the picture they provide has a date stamp. Woman love using pictures that are as much as a decade old.

Oh, schitt ! And I thought all those nice photos are contemporary. Serves me right for posting my AH avatar together with that cherry orchard intruder's profile of mine at Singles.org.