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FIVE LIFESTYLES OF MAN: BOZOS, BOOGIES, BEANERS, ZIPS and BERZERKERS.
The five lifestyles of man in the future are, starting from top to bottom, though it's circular:
First the BERZERKER. Clue to a Berserker: Anybody who's got a gun. Anybody in a lime-green car with eight-foot tires, called Demon or Barracuda. Any Army officer, anybody in uniform. A Bobby is not a Berserker. But maybe he is because he carries his job, his badge. Most people who have jobs. There's a Berserker aspect to all of us. You can play softball with a Berserker. A Berserker doesn't always have to kill, but in the back of his mind, it's not a bad idea.
Under the Berserkers are the ZIPS. The archetypal Zip is the 1930's guy with the thin moustache. Zips have always been concerned with hair. We're exhibiting Zip tendencies in having rather fancily cut moustaches. We're all prone to these various aspects. There's a Zip in everyone's kip, is the World War One English expression. Zips love new products. Zips are often found inside new headphones. They've got zip, pep. Zzzzzip! Zip me up! Most actors are Zips. There's a category called Hip Zip, which David invented yesterday.
B.O.Z.O. is the Brotherhood of Zips and Others. Bozos are people who band together for fun and profit. They have no jobs. Anybody who goes on a tour is a Bozo. Why does a Bozo cross the street? Because there's a Bozo on the other side. It comes from the phrase *vosotros*, meaning others. They're the huge, fat, middle waist. The archetype is an Irish drunk clown with red hair and nose, and pale skin. Fields, William Bendix. Everybody tends to drift towards Bozoness. It has Oz in it. They mean well. They're straight-looking except they've got inflatable shoes. They like their comforts. The Bozos have learned to enjoy their free time, which is all the time.
(###"*vos otros*" is a multilevel pun on the spanish noun, *bosotros*, meaning clowns, "the 'b' and the 'v' being the same" -- ed.)
Now, the BOOGIES. You see a bunch of Boogies around you. That's our lifestyle. There are more spades in this class than any other. But the world is changing. There are now getting to be a lot of spade Zips. And spade Bozos. Boogies don't differentiate between grass and alcohol. People who work in post offices are generally Boogies. They take it easy. They don't Zip. They're not Bozos because they don't clone. They boogie around rather than hanging around one another. They Boogie.
The other class is the BEANERS. The Beaners live outside the Law of Gravity. They have more color television sets than anybody in the world. They're always appearing either on or with you color TV. They watch themselves on color TV. Beaners are very concerned with their own refuse, which they leave piled up around their house, but always in use. They're always going to use it. Hundreds of old pickup trucks. All Indians are Beaners. They don't care. Why should they? Beaners can't tell lies. They fear no one. "Don't point your finger at me Daddy-o, I cut it off!" Pico and Alvarado are Beaners. We love the Beaners.
Most youth is Bozo-like now [early 70's]. That's why people get so upset when Berzerkers come into a Bozo gathering. 'Cause Bozos never do anything to anybody. Bozos keep having rock festivals. They create marijuana free-areas. Grass has moved into Bozodom.
The Berserkers and Zips run things now. Why does a Zip pay taxes? Because he likes to fill out the forms. Berserkers run things by telling you the Beaners are going to get you. Those desperate Beaners may strike at any time! All politicians are Berserkers.
Update for the 90's: During the late 70's the youth began drifting into ZIPness, with the disco-era, and the general populace, in definite BERZERKER mode,began the Reagan years.... The use by former PRESIDENT George Bush, referring to some other politicians as "Bozos" may not have been influenced by the FT, but it might as well have been. Bush himself, like most politicians,was a BERZERKER. Clinton has been showing definite BOZO tendencies in the way that he CLONES, BOOGIEness with his non-inhaling experiments,ZIPness with Cristophe, but to date only a few BERZERKER tendencies... But remember: it's all cyclical!
