Author Topic: rules of men.  (Read 900 times)

Offline JB88

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rules of men.
« on: April 12, 2005, 10:49:24 AM »
sure you have all seen this, but mine sent it to me and i thought i would share.

The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the
guys' side of the story.

We always hear "the rules" from the female
side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE!



1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're
a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it
down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think
of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be
&n! bsp; clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do
not
work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other o! ne.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want
it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do
it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is
fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on
the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's
like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger
laugh.
this thread is doomed.
www.augustbach.com  

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. -Ulysses.

word.

Offline Bodhi

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rules of men.
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2005, 11:05:59 AM »
and you wonder why you are single.... :rofl
I regret doing business with TD Computer Systems.

Offline JB88

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rules of men.
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2005, 11:10:10 AM »
au contrair...mine sent it to me...there is hope for our species yet.

:D
this thread is doomed.
www.augustbach.com  

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. -Ulysses.

word.

Offline DREDIOCK

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rules of men.
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2005, 11:37:45 AM »
And every word is true.
the only thing is I with the toilet seat arguement I always add
"You should be happy I lift it up in the first place. My aim isnt always that good"
Death is no easy answer
For those who wish to know
Ask those who have been before you
What fate the future holds
It ain't pretty

Offline J_A_B

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rules of men.
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2005, 11:47:17 AM »
That list looks quite reasonable and generally accurate.


J_A_B

Offline mietla

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rules of men.
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2005, 12:46:07 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Bodhi
and you wonder why you are single.... :rofl


Maybe he got married before all this feminization gunk took place.

this is my wife


Offline lazs2

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rules of men.
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2005, 02:48:09 PM »
seen the list before... pretty good.

On the toilet seat thing... it's just laziness on their part.   One girlfriend who insisted that I needed to put it down for safety reasons I had to tell that.... there was no way with her butt she was gonna fall in or anything...then I comp...com... comprimised..

I told her fine... we would both put the seat down every time... both of em, including the lid... everytime I went by and seen the lid still up I would call her attention to it.   she finaly just said to forget the whole thing....  we split up not long after that... don't think that had anything to with it tho do you?  Oh well... no matter.

lazs

Offline DREDIOCK

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rules of men.
« Reply #7 on: April 12, 2005, 03:09:29 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by mietla
Maybe he got married before all this feminization gunk took place.

this is my wife



And thats absolutely the way it should be.
Death is no easy answer
For those who wish to know
Ask those who have been before you
What fate the future holds
It ain't pretty

Offline bustr

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rules of men.
« Reply #8 on: April 12, 2005, 03:10:31 PM »
Laz,

When I was younger I had girlfreinds wander in there in the dark, not turn the light on, pull their drawers down, forget to check and shreik like they just saw a tarantual walk over their foot. Then come back into the bedroom, turn the lights on and try to explain to my why everything wrong in the world at that moment was my fault.... :)

As I got older I started closing the lid because it looked cleaner, smelled better and if you drop something that bounces it can get a toidy water babtism. In the last 8 years my current girlfreind has left the seat up about 12 times. Every time I just told her to take a shower and clean your whatsits. Once in that time I called the local Hilton and made her a room reservation at 3:00 am for calling me a liar....................

The answer most men seem to have a problem with to the issues of this list is how to say "no" and not get scared that she will leave for good.
bustr - POTW 1st Wing


This is like the old joke that voters are harsher to their beer brewer if he has an outage, than their politicians after raising their taxes. Death and taxes are certain but, fun and sex is only now.

Offline JB73

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rules of men.
« Reply #9 on: April 12, 2005, 03:11:45 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Bodhi
and you wonder why you are single.... :rofl
you are thinking of the wrong JB
I don't know what to put here yet.

Offline lasersailor184

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rules of men.
« Reply #10 on: April 12, 2005, 04:32:41 PM »
You know, if you're going to blatantly rip something out of an email that has been posted on these exact forums no less then 4 times directly out of my memory you need to format the text.


Every suggestion having a "1.)" infront of it doesn't help.  

The random characters in the middle of the text doesn't help either.
Punishr - N.D.M. Back in the air.
8.) Lasersailor 73 "Will lead the impending revolution from his keyboard"

Offline JB88

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rules of men.
« Reply #11 on: April 12, 2005, 05:53:33 PM »
how was i to know that youd already done it four times laser?

:D
this thread is doomed.
www.augustbach.com  

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. -Ulysses.

word.

Offline Nath_____

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rules of men.
« Reply #12 on: April 12, 2005, 07:04:31 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by mietla
Maybe he got married before all this feminization gunk took place.

this is my wife



this is so obviously photoshop

Offline mietla

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rules of men.
« Reply #13 on: April 12, 2005, 07:50:51 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by Nath_____
this is so obviously photoshop


sure, what's your point?

Offline Nath_____

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rules of men.
« Reply #14 on: April 12, 2005, 07:57:10 PM »
I always thought this forum was pointless.  Has something changed?