Author Topic: Soooo tired of funerals..... (Read 627 times)

paulieb · « **on:** May 09, 2005, 08:48:01 PM »

So here's the timeline, just since 2002:
Oct 2002 - my fiancee, Karen, breaks up with me and commits suicide 3 days later

January 2003 - my nephew dies of an aneurism (sp?) after being hit in the head by a falling hammer in shop class

Dec 2003 - my father-in-law (I am now married) and father both die of cancer within three days of each other

May 2004 - my best friend from high school and best man at my wedding commits suicide

September 2004 - his elder brother, also a close friend, dies in a traffic accident, hit by a drunk driver

May 9, 2005 - my cousin, who was experiencing emotional problems and paranoia, takes a swan dive from her 13th floor balcony, leaving behind two teenage boys

I think I am rapidly approaching the end of my rope. Oh, don't worry, I do not now, nor have I ever believed that suicide solves anything, so I'm not going to do anything dumb, but my entire extended family is falling apart at the seams, and everyone is turning to me for help. I have no answers. I never have a chance to finish dealing with one thing before something else happens. Everyone says, "Well, it's gotta stop sometime.", but I'm starting to feel like the only way that will happen is when everyone I know and love are dead.

Just venting.... got no one I can talk to about this.

DREDIOCK · « **Reply #1 on:** May 09, 2005, 09:08:24 PM »

I can feel for ya. Over the last 12 years

Found out my father died after being run over by a car the same day I found out I had Hodgkins disease.

Guy I grew up with Found dead of a ruptured spleen. (3 days after the hospital ER gave him a quick lookonver after being beat up and promptly sent home.)

Chick I was good friends with got her car sandwiched between a truck and a telephone pole. (trucker decided he didnt want to wait on traffic and went to pass in the oncomming lane)

Another guy I used to hang out with hung himself in his closet.

Friends 12 year old kid hung himself

A good buddys parents both died, a year apart.

Same family one of the brothers died of a heart attack at 37 also a good buddy of mine.

all 3 of my remaining grandparents.

Another guy I grew up with and was good friends with died of a drug overdose

Another buddies mom passed on from a heart attack age 55

And finally Valentines day night two years ago my oldes and best friend whom I'd been friends with since we were 9 was hit and had the top of his head sheared off by a car walking across Route 1.

THAT one hit me the hardest.

All these people I was real close to. even the parents. in our group when there was a party everyone hng out, even them.
They were just another one of the group.

Like you. Imsick and tired of Wake of funerals. Tired of being a pallberer.

Its at the point where ya just want to scream STOP FERKEN DYING ALREADY!

Like I said. I feel your pain

Lizking · « **Reply #2 on:** May 09, 2005, 09:10:35 PM »

Paulieb, my condolences. Hell of a thing, and not much that you can do about it. I know that it is not fashionable to turn to faith, but sometimes, that is all you have left. Celebrate the good times they had, and you will have, and have faith that the unreasonable does have a reason, we just can't figure out what it is. Good luck, Sir.

Elfie · « **Reply #3 on:** May 09, 2005, 09:34:50 PM »

Paulieb,

I too went through a very difficult period that lasted several years. I had broken up with a girlfriend that I was deeply in love with, a brother commited suicide, I ended up homeless for a time etc etc etc. This streak WILL come to an end although I obviously cannot make any promises on when.

One guy I know told me at one point that if he had had to go through half of what I was going through that he would have commited suicide and he couldnt understand how I kept going. My response to him was: When I woke up this morning I vowed to just make it through today, alive and in one piece.

My streak happened before I came to know Jesus on a personal level. If that same kind of streak happened today I would at least have the comfort of knowing that I could turn to Him and give Him my troubles.

There are people on this board (like Seagoon) that are qualified to counsel people in these situations. Might I suggest you contact one of them? It cant hurt, and it just might help to have someone to talk to.

paulieb · « **Reply #4 on:** May 09, 2005, 09:43:41 PM »

I appreciate your thoughts. Although I do not consider myself a Christian by any conventional definition, I am a very spiritual person, and I think I do have have a personal relationship with my Creator. I try to take comfort in the fact that everything that happens does so for a reason... whether we understand the reason or not is not the point. I also believe that anything that does not destroy me only serves to make me stronger, but (if you'll pardon my sarcasm) HOW FREAKIN' STRONG DO I NEED TO BE?!?!

NUKE · « **Reply #5 on:** May 09, 2005, 09:49:01 PM »

paulieb, I was going to respond earlier, but I couldn't even begin to express anything..... other than say that I am so very sorry that you and your family have been suffering through these loses. It's just so aweful...I can't even imagine...

I just want you to know that by posting this here, you will probably get a lot of prayers coming your way.

Just do the best you can....it's all anyone can ever do.

I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers paulieb.

rpm · « **Reply #6 on:** May 09, 2005, 10:57:49 PM »

I have watched my entire family I knew as a kid die, one by one. I also buried my daughter. I am sick of funerals. The next one I go to will be my own.

Maverick · « **Reply #7 on:** May 09, 2005, 11:24:36 PM »

paulieb

How strong do you have to be? As strong as you are and as strong as you have to be. That's all you can do.

You can't be responsible for everyone else. You can give them sympathy, empathy a water proof shoulder and a big ear to listen to themn vent. In many ways that's what most folks want, a person to just listen and sympathise. They KNOW you can't fix it but they need to get it out.

Now that means, by being the strong person. you realize you are not invulnerable. You are permitted to feel bad and ask for help yourself. That is not a sign of weakness but a sign of maturity and a person who knows themself. No one can handle all the problems and it doesn't hurt to ask for help when you need it.

Talk to friends, talk to God, ask for help and it will be there.

Seagoon · « **Reply #8 on:** May 10, 2005, 12:32:21 AM »

Dear Paulie,

You have my sincere condolences. I've learned the hard way to clear my schedule after officiating at any funeral. Too many times I just spent the rest of the day sitting at my desk with my head in my hands slowly soaking the blotter. No other event takes it out of me the way they do, and often its not the grieving for the dead but for the living.

Grieving over the death of loved ones is not wrong, one of my favorite verses in scripture is also the shortest in the bible - John 11:35 - "Jesus Wept". He wept at the tomb of his dear friend Lazarus - even though he was about to raise him up from the grave. If that doesn't teach us that death is profoundly wrong and that grieving over it is natural, I don't know what will.

As for getting strong enough to get through event like this unscarred, please don't expect that to happen. I have in the past 4 years or so, been in the midst of crises that at one time I never would have believed possible, and often I used to ask in prayer "Lord make me strong enough to bear this burden, for I am too weak." But that didn't happen. I never became strong enough to stand in my own power. Then it dawned on me, "that's the point, you big dummy." As the Lord said to Paul in 2 Cor. 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." and truly I have learned what Paul meant when he said "For when I am weak, then I am strong."

One thing to perhaps reflect on; it has been my universal experience that men and women going through many tribulations, even being broken down by them, do not grow by simply saying "all this will make me tougher in the end " and growing a thicker skin, but rather by considering "perhaps all of this breaking me down really is to bring me to point where I finally begin asking God what it is he wants to teach me." Often it is only when all our own resources are spent, and we have not a drop of strength left, that we will actually do that.

"God helps those who help themselves" isn't actually in the bible, and I wouldn't dream of offering up Ben Franklin's pithy but falacious phrase to those grieving the loss of a loved one. In those moments real comfort is more likely to be found in the words of David:The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. (Psalm 18:2).

May the Lord hear your cry and deliver you.

- SEAGOON

paulieb · « **Reply #9 on:** May 10, 2005, 01:27:14 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by Seagoon
One thing to perhaps reflect on; it has been my universal experience that men and women going through many tribulations, even being broken down by them, do not grow by simply saying "all this will make me tougher in the end " and growing a thicker skin, but rather by considering "perhaps all of this breaking me down really is to bring me to point where I finally begin asking God what it is he wants to teach me." Often it is only when all our own resources are spent, and we have not a drop of strength left, that we will actually do that.

- SEAGOON

Thank you for your understanding. Please do not confuse my use of the word STRONG as meaning thicker skinned. I believe that I have become stronger because I am able to be more sensitive, and allow myself to react emotionally to stress and loss, both my own and otherwise. I think it has made me a more complete and more fully realized human being. I am relatively content in my belief that everything happens according to God's design, and I do not question it. However, if and when I get the chance, I will either ask him, or I will no longer need to.

AWMac · « **Reply #10 on:** May 10, 2005, 07:39:24 AM »

Prayers for you Paulieb.

Mac

Eagler · « **Reply #11 on:** May 10, 2005, 08:37:34 AM »

89 was my year

mother (51) in March and little brother (26) in Oct

as dark as your days may seem now, they will be lighter and brighter in the days ahead

keep your chin up

Angus · « **Reply #12 on:** May 10, 2005, 09:45:55 AM »

Be glad you are alive.
Think of it this way, - it can't get much worse, so it's going to be better.
Take care bud(s)

airbumba · « **Reply #13 on:** May 10, 2005, 11:16:43 AM »

Paulie, hang in there bro .

Having grown up on the rusty side of the tracks, I've seen them go one by one to the usual street demises, settling of accounts, overdoses, suicides and violence. I seen a pic the other day with 8 of us in it, two are left.

I'll tell ya what they all have in common, they're in the past now. I'll bet my last dollar if any one of them could cross the great barrier and leave a message , it would be to carry on, move on, live for the future and not let what happenned to them hinder your life. I'm sure it's the last thing they'd have wanted, is for their actions to negatively affect you buddy. So for them, the rest of us must carry on.

Good luck bro, and remember, you're never alone..

Mighty1 · « **Reply #14 on:** May 10, 2005, 12:56:17 PM »

Bad luck seems to be going around.

My wifes Grandmother (Mothers side) Oct 04

My wifes Grandmother (Fathers side) March 05

My Aunt (Mothers side) April 05

My Grandmother (Fathers Side) April 05

Any death in the family sucks but 4 deaths in 7 months can really get a person down.

All we can do is go on one day at a time.