Flight 668 (Warning, joke contains offensive language)

[Ripsnort]

When reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped into the seat next to him. The man asked the stewardess for a cup of coffee and the parrot squawks, "Why don't you get me a whiskey, you squeak"..The stewardess flustered by the parrot's outburst brings back the whiskey for the bird, but forgets to bring the man's coffee. The man politely reminded the stewardess that he asked for coffee.  The parrot quickly downed his whiskey and shouted.."and get me another whiskey, you slut". Visibly shaken, the stewardess comes back with another whiskey for the parrot   but no coffee for the man.

Unaccustomed to such neglect, the man decides to take the parrot's approach.."I've asked you twice for a cup of coffee, wench and expect you to bring it to me right now, or I will kick that ugly bellybutton of yours". Quickly both the man and the parrot were pulled from their seats and thrown out the emergency exit by two burley stewards. Plunging downward
toward the ground, the parrot looks at the man and says, "For someone who can't fly, you sure are mouthy amazinhunk!"

[Wardog]

Rip..

Here is my most favorite..

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This came from a United Airlines pilot:
The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport are infamous for being a short tempered lot.  They not only expect you to know your parking location but also how to get there without any assistance from them.

So it was with some amusement that we (United 747)listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and the pilot of a British Airways 747 (callsign  Speedbird 206).

Speedbird: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206, clear of the active."

Ground: "Guten morgen, taxi to your gate."

The BA 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.

Ground (brusquely): "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird: "Standby ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."

Ground (with typical German impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you never
been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird (coolly): "Yes, several times in 1944, but I didn't stop."


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Dog out.....

   

[This message has been edited by Wardog (edited 12-06-2000).]

[NUTTZ]

During a flight the captain put on the comm and said : "we are at 35 thousand feet at cruising speed and you can relax undo your seat belts, and enjoy the flight" forgetting to turn off the comm, the passengers hear the captain say to the co-pilot " I'm going to go to the bathroom, then see if i can get a BJ from that new stewardess" The stweardess starts to run up to the cockpit to tell the captain the comms are on .. and trips.. An old lady see this and says " no ,need to hurry , he said he was going to the bathroom first"  

NUTTZ