Dear Fred,
Originally posted by AWMac
I just feel the kid got a slap on the wrist. I just got to get beyond the grief, which is easier said than done. Yesterday was a tuff one being my Brothers Birthday and Kim called. I'm sure this July 3rd will be even harder to deal with as it would have been Tessas' Birthday.
It's dates and memories that Kim and I are dealing with that leaves us both crying together.
mac
I'm sincerely sorry to hear that the kid who killed Tessa got off so easily, I wish I could say that this was the first such instance of an exceedingly light sentence I'd heard of, but I've personally witnessed worse. For instance, in a case of a man shooting and killing a woman he lived with, the case was plead out to voluntary manslaughter and he received a sentence of 24 months.
As I've said before, no words that I can share with you will erase the pain of loss you are experiencing, but if I can offer you any pastoral advice I would tell you the same thing I'd tell a member of my congregation:
forgive this kid. I do not say that lightly, I know how difficult that will be, but I say it not for his sake but for yours. I also say it not only because it is the advice of the word of God, but because I have seen the good that comes from it, as opposed to the ongoing pain and anger that results from a lack of it. Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying "forgive him because
he is worthy of forgiveness," what I am saying is to commit the matter in prayer into the hands of the Lord and let
Him deal with it, that
you might find peace. I have received the same counsel myself in at least one matter, and I can personally say that following it, even though it was initially difficult, freed me from something that would have otherwise never stopped gnawing at me.
So I encourage you to follow Paul's advice in his letter to the Romans:
"Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord."Let me also offer up 3 quotes from men far wiser than I on the subject, and please forgive me for the length of this post, there are no short and pithy answers that will deal with pain as large as that which you are going through, I hope you will receive them in the spirit of love and concern that they are given in:
A Scottish Pastor by the name of Robert Haldane said this regarding turning away from our natural desire for revenge:
Christians will constantly have opportunities of exercising themselves in obedience to this exhortation. There are innumerable occurrences calculated to provoke and excite them to retaliation. But they will find that to abstain from avenging their own cause will essentially promote their happiness. It is a painful thing to think of injuries, and it is most for our peace and happiness to forget them, and commit ourselves to the Lord.
Admittedly, perfect justice is not something we ever see in this world, but Matthew Henry encourages us to leave vengeance in the hands of the God who does administer justice perfectly:
God is the sovereign King, the righteous Judge, and to him it belongs to administer justice; for, being a God of infinite knowledge, by him actions are weighed in unerring balances; and, being a God of infinite purity, he hates sin and cannot endure to look upon iniquity. Some of this power he has trusted in the hands of the civil magistrates (Gen. 9:6; ch. Romans 13:4); their legal punishments therefore are to be looked upon as a branch of God's revengings. This is a good reason why we should not avenge ourselves; for, if vengeance be God's, then, First, We may not do it. We step into the throne of God if we do and take his work out of his hand. Secondly, We need not do it. For God will, if we meekly leave the matter with him; he will avenge us as far as there is reason or justice for it, and further we cannot desire it. See Psalm. 38:14, 15, I heard not, for thou wilt hear; and if God hears what need is there for me to hear?
Finally, when I am personally tempted not to forgive another or be patient in enduring injury (and believe me, that happens) I am often brought to reflect on just how patient God has been with me over the years, and how he was long-suffering towards me despite the fact that I long hated Him and His people, and that in spite of that and of my own unworthiness, He freely offered me forgiveness. Therefore I am often brought to think again on the words of the great Jonathan Edwards:
Do you think the injuries you have received from your fellow-man are more than you have offered to God?... Do you not hope that God will have mercy upon you, and that Christ will embrace you in his dying love, though you have been such an injurious enemy; and that, through his grace, he will blot out your transgressions and all your offences against him, and make you eternally his child, and an heir of his kingdom? When you think of such long-suffering on God’s part, do you not approve of it, and think well of it, and that it is not only worthy and excellent, but exceeding glorious, And do you not approve of it, that Christ should have died for you, and that God, through him, should offer you pardon and salvation? Or do you disapprove of this? And would you have liked God better, if he had not borne with you, but had long since cut you off in his wrath?
If such a course be excellent and worthy to be approved of in God, why is it not so in yourself? Why should you not imitate it? Is God too kind in forgiving injuries? Is it less heinous to offend the Lord of heaven and earth, than for a man to offend you? Is it well for you to be forgiven, and that you should pray to God for pardon, and yet that you should not extend it to your fellow-men that have injured you?
Fred, may the LORD lift up His countenance upon you and Kim And give you both peace,
Andy
