For Hang: How to give a cat a pill:

[Ripsnort]

> >HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your
 > > > >>left arm as if holding a  baby. Position right
 > > > >>forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and
 > > > >>gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in
 > > > >>right hand. As cat opens  mouth pop pill into mouth.
 > > > >>Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind
 > > > >> sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill
 > > > >>away.
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left
 > > > >>arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force
 > > > >>jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right
 > > > >>forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top
 > > > >> of wardrobe.  Call spouse from garden.
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between
 > > > >> knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls
 > > > >>emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head  firmly with
 > > > >>one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop
 > > > >>pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill
 > > > >>from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair
 > > > >>curtains.  Carefully sweep shattered figurines and
 > > > >>vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing
 > > > >>later.
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on
 > > > >>cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill
 > > > >>in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil
 > > > >>and blow down drinking straw.
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to
 > > > >>humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply
 > > > >>Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from
 > > > >>carpet with cold water and soap.
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another
 > > > >>pill.  Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and
 > > > >>close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force
 > > > >>mouth open with dessert spoon.  Flick pill down throat
 > > > >>with
 > > > >>elastic band.
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard
 > > > >>door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of
 > > > >>scotch. Pour shot, drink.  Apply  cold compress to
 > > > >>cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab.
 > > > >>Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss
 > > > >>back another shot. Throw Tee-shirt  away  and fetch
 > > > >>new one from bedroom.
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the f***ing cat
 > > > >>from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who
 > > > >>crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take
 > > > >>last pill from foil-wrap.
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 13) Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws
 > > > >>with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining
 > > > >>table, find heavy duty  pruning gloves from shed. Push
 > > > >>pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet
 > > > >>steak.  Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and
 > > > >>pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill
 > > > >>down.
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive
 > > > >>you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor
 > > > >>stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants
 > > > >>from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to
 > > > >>order new table.
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 15) Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell
 > > > >>and ring local pet shop to see if they have any
 > > > >>hamsters.
 > > > >>
 > > > >>           HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL
 > > > >>
 > > > >> 1) Wrap it in bacon.

[Saintaw]

ROFLOL !
Good laugh !

[rosco-]

   

 Never tried this with cats and pills but it works great with hounds and porcupine quills
 
1: Get an old feedbag and cut hole in it just big enough to stick dogs head through. "make sure its not so big as whole dog fits through."

2: stick dog in bag head first, head sticking out of the hole you just cut in the bag.

3: Tie the bag shut with some bailer twine or rope and hang the bag from a rafter or tree limb "Note, do NOT hang the dog from his head!!!!very important."

4: pull the quills

 Step 2 is sometimes a squeak, but after that you are laughing. Well swearing really but it makes step 4 go a lot smoother.
 
 I imagine this would work well with cats too, you would need a smaller bag is all.


 



[This message has been edited by rosco- (edited 06-21-2000).]

[Sparks]

ROFLMAO !!!
I have been that person - brilliant Rip - printing it to show wifey.

[Gadfly]

How to give a  cat a pill:

Tools required:

Baseball Bat.
Pill.
Cat.

Any Questions?

Lizking

[Hangtime]

ROFLMAO!! Sorry it took so long to get here!

Here's my method..

1. Get the pill. Coat it with canned dogfood scent by rubbing it on can lid. Call the dog. Prasise the dog; and show it lots of affection w/pleasant voice.

2. Offer pill to the dog. Say "Would you like this yummy cat treat??" Make sure cat sees this. Entice the dog, but do not quite let the dog get it. Make sure dog is frustrated.

3. Place pill on counter; out of reach of the dog.. make sure the dog and cat both see this.

4. Leave the room.

Wallah. Pill is GONE in 10 seconds.. and the dog chases the cat outta the room; seriously pissed. Capture the cat. Hold it directly in front of your face and LAUGH at it.

Reward the dog... hold the cat just outta reach of madly leaping dog.. (careful; claws and that double jointed backbone) Release cat when dog is salivating. The pooch never catches it; but what the hell... it's what he lives for.  

Make sure your shoes are locked in closet; or there will be a smelly brown surprise in one the next morning.

Hang

 

[figaro]

All right Hangman! ROFLMAO!

The only way my cat will take a pill is by taking him to the vet.

Tried it all, except the Hangman method.  I am very familar with the Ripsnort method, with slight variations which involve the intervention of both my 3 and 1 year old daughters.

Cheers

figaro


P.S. Can you guess what my cat«s name is?