Alright you Americans

[SFRT - Frenchy]

Hey thanks!

Deep frying is out of the question.

[storch]

Originally posted by SFRT - Frenchy
Hey thanks!

Deep frying is out of the question.

 you may want to consider this option.  fry it in peanut oil and you will be well pleased.

[Furious]

damn, it's always fun when it explodes.

[Skuzzy]

Originally posted by RedDg
Deep-fry it !

That's what everyone does in Texas.

Not everyone.  I did the deep fry thing last year, but I still prefer smoked.  Already got one in the smoker (24lbs).

If you are doing the oven things, make sure to set the temperature to 325F and no lower.  An 18lb bird, with stuffing, will take about 6 hours at that temp to be ready.
The simplest is to take some butter (the real stuff), smear the outsides of the bird with it.  Stick it in the over until the skin is a slight brownish, then smear more butter on it, cover it, and bake.

Be sure to let it sit about 15 minutes after pulling it from the oven.

I have all types of fancy recipes for them, but if this is yor first bird, take it slow and simple.

[eagl]

A bagged and injected turkey will be very moist and tasty, but you gotta be careful or it'll come out looking like you just boiled it in turkey broth.

Lots of turkeys come with basic cooking instructions right on the wrapping or on a card included with the turkey.  Some turkey injection kits (used for injecting flavors deep into the meat for more flavor) also have cooking suggestions.  If you decide to bag the turkey (cooking it in a plastic bag inside the oven) the bag also should have directions.

Just going to the store, finding turkey related items, and looking at the packaging can be very educational.  Everything turkey related has some recipie and directions that say if you buy this other thing or ingredient right over there then you can cook it this particular way.  They're basically giving you instructions that require you to use their brand of ingredients.  Get a few of these recipies and instructions together and you can get an idea of how a turkey should be cooked without the marketing spin, and make your own recipie.

For myself, I just get a duck and cook it the simple way.  I take out the guts stuffed inside the duck, then smear seasoning salt all over the outside and inside.  Stick it in the oven at 400 (if I recall correctly) and cook for a couple of hours until a meat thermometer stuck into the breast comes out at the magic "poultry is done" number (can't remember what temp thou, have to look it up tomorrow).  It comes out crispy and tasty and is a very simple process.  Gotta remember to poke holes in the skin of the duck (only the skin, not the meat) because duck is very fatty, but that's not a problem with turkey.

My Dad used to do pretty much the same thing with turkey but he'd use butter/margarine instead of just salt, and for the first couple of hours he'd have the turkey covered with a tinfoil "tent" which helps keep the meat from drying out.  Then for the last 30 min, he'd take off the tent which crips up the skin and gives some of the outer meat a nice crispy texture for your guests who like the meat that way.

If you do the frying thing, remember that both the oil and the turkey have to fit in the fryer, so don't fill the fryer up with oil or you'll get a neat explosion and a fun trip to the hospital after your friends/family stop screaming (or pointing/laughing).

[Chairboy]

...and for the love of pete, don't deep fry it indoors.  Laugh'a while you can, monkey boy, it happens every year.  My sister just sent me an article where some marmalade heads deep fried a turkey a couple days ago in the garage of their newly constructed home to celebrate their build effort.

They're staying with family this thanksgiving.

Here are the safety tips I sent her based on experience, if I'm missing anything, jump in:

Basic safety:
1. Locate it on a level, stable, non-flammable surface far from any
overhangs or structures.
2. Extinguish the flame while putting in the turkey, then light it
again afterwards.
3. Use a fully thawed bird.
4. Gently lower the bird into the oil using a hanger or device that
allows you to stay clear of splatter.  This may take a minute or more.
 We usually have two people holding a wooden rod horizontally that the
turkey hangs from so we can stay away and don't get tired.
5. Monitor your temperature.  For it to taste good, it needs to stay
hot, but you don't want to hit the smoke point or else you'll have a
fire.
6. Make sure your hook mechanism for retrieving the bird will not be
obstructed, assume you won't be able to see it in the oil (so make
sure that it's big and easy to grab with a metal hook).
7. Don't try to drain the oil until many hours later, it takes a long
time to cool.
8. NEVER move the pot of oil once it has been heated.  Wait for it to cool.

[Holden McGroin]

turducken...

[BlueJ1]

Im pretty sure that I heard something along the lines that ButterBall has a hotline where when called they can help you out of any fix.

[Eagler]

Originally posted by Chairboy
To clarify, I don't think that Eagler has actually HAD a deep fried turkey.  I think that his language of describing it as an 'attempt' is part of a standard technique of evasion when confronted where the person tries to set up the stage for a graceful "Oh, I didn't realize it wasn't representative" to deflect assertions that they confabulated.  Basic anthropology stuff here.

Do tell us the details, Eagler.  I think you're an upstanding guy, and I don't think you'll ride this thing to the ground.  Fess up.

I tried it once, My brother in law made it -  it was gross
he cooked it outside and it was gross - that's all the details I can recall
I am sure a properly made one would taste better, i don't think it could taste any worse

[eagl]

Ah Ha...  Blame it on the in-laws.  Standard tap-dance response if I ever saw one.  Tell me, did Boooosh make him do it?  

[Gunslinger]

Originally posted by eagl
Ah Ha...  Blame it on the in-laws.  Standard tap-dance response if I ever saw one.  Tell me, did Boooosh make him do it?  

Hey Eagl,

Do you guys have friday off?

[eagl]

Yea, Friday is a down day.  Almost unexpectedly, since every time we give people more than a 2 day weekend we get DUIs like crazy.

We had something like 120 days without a DUI but then we had the vets day 3 day weekend, and sure enough 2 DUIs.  Retards.  It's like the single highest emphasis in the USAF, gets more of our training time than weapons or chem warfare training, and still people go out, drink, and drive.  That means that in the next year I'll probably have to waste 30 hours of my life listening to commanders blah blah about how DUIs are bad, or I'll have to give those same briefings, and still some morons will go out and get DUIs.  Getting a DUI has a worse career impact than dropping a 2000lb bomb on a mosque or innocent house (oopsie!) but still people do it.

So yea, we have the day off but a few retards are going to make everyone pay for their stupidity.  The lost man-hours alone are going to cost the USAF millions of dollars in lost work when we all get to spend an hour listening to briefings about the idiots who got DUIs or wrecked their cars over the holiday.

It's no wonder why Lakenheath has only 2 4-day weekends planned for FY 2006...

Er... Sorry for the rant.  I'm a bit disgruntled about the whole thing.

[Gunslinger]

Originally posted by eagl
Yea, Friday is a down day.  Almost unexpectedly, since every time we give people more than a 2 day weekend we get DUIs like crazy.

We had something like 120 days without a DUI but then we had the vets day 3 day weekend, and sure enough 2 DUIs.  Retards.  It's like the single highest emphasis in the USAF, gets more of our training time than weapons or chem warfare training, and still people go out, drink, and drive.  That means that in the next year I'll probably have to waste 30 hours of my life listening to commanders blah blah about how DUIs are bad, or I'll have to give those same briefings, and still some morons will go out and get DUIs.  Getting a DUI has a worse career impact than dropping a 2000lb bomb on a mosque or innocent house (oopsie!) but still people do it.

So yea, we have the day off but a few retards are going to make everyone pay for their stupidity.  The lost man-hours alone are going to cost the USAF millions of dollars in lost work when we all get to spend an hour listening to briefings about the idiots who got DUIs or wrecked their cars over the holiday.

It's no wonder why Lakenheath has only 2 4-day weekends planned for FY 2006...

Er... Sorry for the rant.  I'm a bit disgruntled about the whole thing.

we were supposed to get friday as a goal day but had a DUI as well and missed it by like 5 points.  I didn't go to work today cause I'm on quaters but the only way we were getting friady off is if the CIC grants it off to all federal employees.  Maybe I'll call the swing shift to see.  I can't stand these retards to don't know how to call for a ride.

EDIT:  Yup we're working friday.  Kinda sucks for the mait folks because I doubt there's flying going on.  That means all the squadrons are going to want to play catch up before the weekend.  

[eagl]

Yea, any "free" work days are going to be fully utilized.  We have a number of non-flying work days due to UK holidays that are not US holidays, so we have to work but can't fly.  That means extra training so we don't have to waste any other flying days doing non-flying training stuff.

For MX, it usually means another day turning wrenches, but MX is in such a bad state that they're working weekends anyhow, so it's just business as usual.

I'd like to shoot the bastard who coined the phrase "doing more with less"...  That tard single-handedly made life hell for untold millions of people.  I got to play finance officer today as I filed 2 travel vouchers for my own TDY and leave.  There used to be an expert who handled such things, but nowadays I'm expected to know everything about finance and vouchers and stuff like that.  It's an entire career field, but as an officer I'm on a salary not an hourly wage, so it's just whinging when I bring up the fact that my 10 hr day just got extended to 12 hours because I spent 2 hours trying to figure out how to file a travel voucher.  There used to be a single page of paper I'd fill out and hand to an expert to file, and that was that.  But now I get to be a finance officer too, and every minute I spend re-learning how to be a finance officer gets added to my duty day since my other work doesn't decrease just because I have to spend a few hours doing work that used to be done by support personnel.  So on the day before Thanksgiving when everyone else left work at 1500 hrs, I was at work until 1700 because I got to play amature finance officer and that meant I had to put off my real work until later, but still get it done before the long weekend.

And I'll probably work this weekend, because every day I stay at home I have more work to do, even on weekends.  I could say f**kit and just not do the work 'cause I'm leaving in 2 months and it'll be someone else's problem, but I'm not that sort of guy so I'll kill myself making sure my replacement isn't hung out to dry when I disappear.  Doing more with less... ptui.

[Vulcan]

Microwave it, like everything else in frances territories