FLASH NEWS REPORT HERE ON THE ALL NIGHT AH CHANNEL! Our on the spot newshound Mick Muchraker reports that the latest skinny heard from under the stalls of Hightech's Personal Excecutive Outhouse (it's a two holer with cable tv! See last months Better Outhouses than Yours magazine for the centerfold spread) outback of the Grand Hitech Building at #1 Hightech Plaza is the next CT Scenario will be as follows:
LEGENDARY WW 2 BATTLE OF NEW JERSEYALLIED SIDE: F4U-4
F4U-1C
P-51D
P-38L
P-47N
FM-2
Spit XVI
TIGER 1
AXIS SIDE:A6M2 ZERO
D3A VAL
B5N KATE
M-8 Armored Car
NEW TERRAIN MAP!The Scoop also has it that a new map is to be made just for this set-up especially on orders from the deepest darkest bowels of the Command Centers of HTC. It will consist of a pacific type terrain with just two islands (similar to Gilligan's Island.)
There will be also only two airfields on this map. The ends of the runways on these new airfields will be only 500 yards apart so the newly arrived "Horde" of "Furballers" to the CT can begin fighting as soon as their gear come up.
No wasted time on this map buddy! Just start hosing the BASTAGES as soon as you hit the runway! THAT'S WHAT AMERICA WANTS BY GINGO! GRANDMAW WHERE DID YOU HIDE MY FLAK GUN!!!!!
NEW AIRCRAFT MODS! It is also reported that to get others into the "Mood" of the new set-up and to accomodate the new "Horde" of "Furballers" in from the MA that several new modifications will be made to all of the aircraft even though this will take time away from the Secret Dark Jedi Area 51 TOD work.
Mainly this will envolve all control surfaces being unhooked except the rudder as everyone in the CT these days seems to only be interested in going around in circles. All views will be cut out as well except for the forward view as it seems the classic "HO Manuver" used so well by our boys in the last World Series has become the domanant aerial combat sim manuver. As the Greatest Ace of the CT Wars, Flight Lieutenant (twice removed) Capt. P6EHawk, commented -
"F*%$#@%G HO'ING LITTLE B@*$%#@S !!!!!" I don't think we here at Late Night AH News could or should try to improve on that classic statement one bit.
THE NAVAL PAGE!The Allies will also be enabled to operate "multiple" CV fleets in the narrow channel between the two fields for exciting real-life naval action just like during the 15th Battle of New Jersey. All aircraft, PT's and LVT's will be enabled from the fleets. When some of the CT Crowd was asked "What about the Axis Fleets" the comment was "WHAT THE HELL THEY NEED THEM FOR WITH THEIR UBBER-ULTRA AIRPLANES!!! One veteran CT fighter pilot was actually seen by this reporter to shake uncontolablly and begin hunching Slash's leg when someone in the crowd yelled
"LOOKOUT IT'S A JAPANESE KATE!!!!!"Our reporters tried to contact members of the CT STAFF for a statement on the new set-ups but we received nothing but a colorfully phrased
NO COMMENT YOU F%$K@%G A@*$%#@S !!!!! and various sundry items thrown our way. Officials from HTC when asked for a comment promptly sic'ed a rabid Wombat on our reporters so they really never heard if they said anything or not. For the "Man in the Street" angle we asked Storch and Truekill of the famous CT Squad JG 54 GRUNHERZ for their comments - but after 6 straight hours of material we had to block out Ch. 200.
We will keep you advised of any further late breaking developments as they develop or we can make them up, which ever comes first.
So... From Late Night AH News, Goodnight and Good Hunting in the CT.... and remember, despite the many volumes written by Grits on the subject, there is no such thing as a good "HO."
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