SmartAss Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As
a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
SmartAss Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're
dead."
SmartAss Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid
replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally
stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SmartAss Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign comes up that reads,
"Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a
police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck
driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck
driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
SmartAss Answer #1:
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I
won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smartass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
