The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. Army

[mora]

http://juan.iki.fi/juan/foo/skippy.txt

Dunno if it's a repost, so you can leave out the "welcome to xxxx" remarks.

Edit: apparently posted numerous times before....

[*NDM*JohnnyX]

101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.

My favorite.

[APDrone]

Originally posted by mora

Edit: apparently posted numerous times before....

This is the first time I've seen it. ( That I can recall, anyway.. )

Thanks!

[AWMac]

211. Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.

Steele is an stunninghunk. Served in his Command in FRG.  Liar and a Thief.

Ever wonder why he didn't get his Star?

I hope he reads this. Him and LTC Young... But Youngs wifey was HOT!!! Mmmmm... DAYUM MILF!!!!


Miss ya Carol.  *pssst email me Sweetness*  Put "Bindlach" in the subject line Carol and we'll hook up...again Hon and I'll let you call me "Jimmy".

Mac

[Airscrew]

152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of
       grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights,
       or Chem-Light ® batteries.

171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General's
       helicopter.

201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the
       squad.

205. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch
       pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux
       capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")

[Bodhi]

My favorites:

48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to Block out the space mind control lasers'.
78. I may not call block my chain of command.
106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CDs.
121. I should not use government resources to waterproof dirty magazines.
134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.
137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
138. Even if my commander did it.
167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.
168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
169. Not even if they *are* 'especially patriotic films'
198. Not allowed to lead a 'Coup' during training missions.
201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
210. Must not make T-shirts up depciting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.

[Sandman]

Originally posted by mora

Edit: apparently posted numerous times before.... [/B]

http://www.skippyslist.com/index.html

[Mustaine]

favs:

185. My name is not a killing word.

176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not
       need to be brought into the office.

142. 'Calvin-Ball' is not authorized PT.

124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.
125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.
126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.

97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.

84. Must not use military vehicles to Squish' things.

83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had
       an experience I just had to write you about...."

37. Our medic is called 'Sgt Larwasa', not 'Dr. Feelgood'.

29. The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.

26. Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your bellybutton in World War 2!'

[DJ111]

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a
       urine test.
   
146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream
       during the same.
   
147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.
   
148. Putting red 'Mike and Ike's' ® into a prescription medicine
       bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.

170. Not allowed to 'defect' to OPFOR during training missions.

[lasersailor184]

74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.
170. Not allowed to 'defect' to OPFOR during training missions.

hilarious