WHEN SANTA RUNS OUT OF PROZAC - Postcards from the kids
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Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist.
How 'bout I send you a f@#$king book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
giving
your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell! Santa
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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and
joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked a lot of pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa
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Dear Santa,
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I
really really want a fire truck this year!
Love, Joey
Dear Joey,
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with. Santa
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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
and daddy to get back together.Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter?
He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some
nice
Legos instead. Santa
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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit,
a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis
Dear Francis,
Francis? Who the hell names their kid "Francis" nowadays? Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your
reindeer outside the backdoor. Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the trots and carrots make the reindeer fart in my face. You
want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a bottle of Chivas Regal and your older
sister. Santa
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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my
time getting hammered, squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all
my cash at he craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know! Santa
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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song? Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
You are that gullible? The boys are going to have fun with you. Good luck
in whatever you do, I'm skipping your house. Santa
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Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE, Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging sh@#t may work with your folks, but that crap don't work
up here. You're getting a sweater again. Santa
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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Marky
Mark,
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass
whipped at school every day. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a
low-rent
apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just
like all the burglars do by using a crowbar on your bedroom window. Sweet
Dreams! Santa
