Lemme try a different tack.
There are soem players who see a major problem with collisions. It drives them nuts.
Playing the same game, running the exact same coad, with the same (on average) connections to the exact same server, many others have simply no problem at all. Among those are people (like me) who used to have lots of collisions, then figured out what they were doing wrong -- changed their flying -- and stopped having collisions despite using the same computers and connections as when they did have collision problems.
BY SIMPLE DEDUCTION, THE PROBLEM IS LESS LIKELY TO BE THE CODE AND MORE LIKELY TO BE THE PLAYERS.
Since there are substantial numbers of players who dont have the collision problems that freak you out, the problem isnt on HT's end. If it was HT's fault, then each of us would have the same frustrations and same collisions.
Even if you dont think the solution is fair, the fact is that avoiding the proximity envelope works. It is part of the game. You've adapted to the flight models, the gunnery models, and the damage models; you've learned how to succeed in the AH2 world. Just learn this one more thing.
I know you keep referring to aberrations -- like the dying when 400 away and you didnt come close, the taking damage when the other guys hit you. I suspect your perceptions are incorrect, that in the frustration of the moment you aren't seeing the whole situation. If you're sure you're right, film it and show us....but I'll bet those films are more likely to show that you hit when you didnt think you did, or that you bumped into a second con you didnt realize was there, that you hit fragments of a plane someone else killed, or that you were killed by gunnery.