Author Topic: Sure,..golf is not a dangerous sport...uh huh (Read 277 times)

Skuzzy · « **on:** March 03, 2006, 05:27:19 PM »

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt." "That's when I made my big mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"
"I don't remember much after that."

Rolex · « **Reply #1 on:** March 03, 2006, 06:12:39 PM »

After he recovered, and patched things up with his wife, he was playing at the same course. On the 14th hole, he sliced a ball so far to the right that it ended up inside a barn.

He had a good lie (the ball was sitting up on some straw next to the cow) so he asked his wife to hold open the barn door - he would just hit a little knock-down 5 wood through the door and back toward the fairway.

He hit it dead-nuts solid. The ball screamed toward the door... then hit hit wife dead-nuts center in the forehead. She died in the same barn with the same cow.

About 3 months later, he was playing for the first time since that incident. The starter put him with a twosome and you'll never believe what happened. On the 14th hole (yes, the exact same hole), one of the guys hit a slice way toward the same barn.

He didn't want to walk over there to help find the ball, but he didn't want to be rude. Sure enough, the ball was sitting in almost the exact same place.

He was shaking his head as he said, "You guys will never believe this, but 3 months ago, my ball was in the exact same place. That was the worst day of my entire life..."

His head was down and he was shaking and started to cry. One of the players finally asked him, "Good God, man. What happened?'

He looked up and said, "I made a triple bogey."

Holden McGroin · « **Reply #2 on:** March 03, 2006, 09:57:28 PM »

So a man was playing golf with his wife when she hit a bad shot and went off looking for her ball in the weeds. The man then hit his shot, and it was a low line drive that hit his wife on the forehead.

At the emergency room the doctor came out and informed the husband that the injury was too extensive, that his wife had died. "The ball hit her so hard it dented her skull and the word "Slazenger" was plainly visible." The doctor explained, "What I don't understand is we found a second similar dent, and you could actually make out the word "Titleist"

The husband, head in his hands explained, "That was my mulligan"

BTW · « **Reply #3 on:** March 03, 2006, 10:01:19 PM »

Men joke about golf and sex because most of us hardly ever get it right

I'm still trying to break 90...

Pooh21 · « **Reply #4 on:** March 03, 2006, 10:05:40 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by BTW

I'm still trying to break 90...

seconds?

OOZ662 · « **Reply #5 on:** March 03, 2006, 10:23:49 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Pooh21
seconds?

OW!

BTW · « **Reply #6 on:** March 03, 2006, 10:54:47 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Pooh21
seconds?

Flit · « **Reply #7 on:** March 03, 2006, 11:52:01 PM »

True story-
I'm cruising thru the hood, I look over and see a father pitching ball to his 6 year old son.
Kid swings and nails a line drive.
Too bad they were 15 feet apart and the kids swinging a aluminum bat, and dad's pitching- yep, thats right , a golf ball.
It hit him right between the eyes.
If he had gone all the way down I would have stopped, but he only dropped too his knees as his glasses flew off his face in at least 2 pieces.
15 years later I still shake my head in wonder that any one would attempt that.

rpm · « **Reply #8 on:** March 04, 2006, 12:05:14 AM »

I was playing the 4th shot of a par 5 and shanked it horribly into the next fairway. I found my ball about 50 yards from the black tee and waived at the men about to tee off. They waived back and motioned me to go get my ball. I headed out of the treeline and never saw the ladies teebox some 20 yards away, apparently neither did the lady teeing off see me exiting from the woods. The ball caught me squarely on the side of my head about an inch forward of my ear. I hit the ground like a sack of potatoes.