Advice for wives with deployed husbands

[eagl]

Chairboy,

Actually, for a long time there have been illicit spouses "clubs" that spring into action (literally) the day their military spouses deploy.  A famous one in the UK would place a garden rake or broom next to the front door, indicating that they were looking for a man to "take care of things".

That was just one example...  Many bases have this sort of thing go on.  In San Diego, if a guy wants casual no-strings-attached sex, all he has to do is go to some of the country bars right after the carrier group sets sail.  You'll find all the young women looking for a no-comittment "good time" you could ever want.

Sad, but very very true.  Lots of guys come home after 6 month deployments to find their wives are 4 or 5 months pregnant...

[Saintaw]

edit (wrong button)

[Suave]

Don't think it's anything new unfortunately. The world has allways been full of scumbags. I read once that in the 1930s the government began some sort of national blood typing program. They discovered that 15% of children from married families were illegitimate and they discontinued the program.

Last time I went to college, almost all of the married people were banging eachother, yet none of the single people hooked up with classmates. In the working sector it's just as bad, at least 60% of my coworkers are female. Good god talk about sexual harrasment!

One thing that I saw that lead me to believe that it is a cultural thing is that the married pillipinas, indians and pakis don't play that, and some of them are rather attractive. I haven't noticed the ruski women to be sluts either, maybe they're good at hiding it, they're generally kind of shy. The few aussie women I've worked with were as unabashed as americans, except they liked to joke more about it. But at least the aussie women know how to flirt like an adult. An american woman might start out flirting with you by doing something like playfully blocking your passage through a doorway, or something childish. An aussie woman will usually start by introducing herself. The only british woman I ever worked with was a lesbian nun, so I have no opinion yet of them.

I've noticed that it's very common in this region of the US. They'll mess around on their husbands and even joke about it, but they'd be shocked and offended when I make a disparaging remark about church, and downright huffy when I joked about the saints.

They military goes a long way to encourage people to get married and remarried. That's mostly for personnel retention purposes. No civilian employer would ever get away with paying employees who are married 25-30% more than their single coworkers, just because they are married. And yes in almost every field unit the senior nco's remind people to call home first when returning from the field. And there are lots of guys with stories about coming home and finding their exwife on the living room floor with some dude.

Another thing the guys would do was communicate with their Ho's via a barracks dweller's answering machine. Another trick was paying somebody else to do their all-night CQ duty and to tell his wife if she should call that he's out making his area checks.

They say that men cheat more, I think that's pure bs. One thing I've noticed about women who cheat is that they don't seem to feel any remorse, they have a sense of entitlement.

I've noticed that most women either don't belive me, or find it baffling, when I inform them that men respect prostitutes more than they respect adulterous women and sluts.

There are two types of people, one type feels that ultimate betrayal of your own family members is just an indulgent vice.

I speculate that in large this is passed down from their parents. If one of their parents messed around, they won't see it as such a big deal, after all, mommy/daddy was the best man/woman in the whole world.

[Seagoon]

The talk that started this thread does assume that both parties don't want to cheat on one another and that the both consider it to be wrong (dare I use the word sinful?) The speaker does also give some sound advice on guarding the heart, I generally give the the same sort of advice to the guys going over there, including the necessity of being willing to be different from all the other guys in your unit on several levels.  

Obviously, it is not easy to be separated from one's spouse, especially when there are overwhelming pressures both within the society and within the military culture attempting to tear your marriage apart. It used to be that society worked to a certain extent to keep marriages together, and in some societies that is still the case. Now exactly the opposite is true in the USA. We are awash in porn, no fault divorce, workplace affairs, low views of marriage, and a spreading amorality regarding sex.

I commented to one maternity nurse that when my parents had their last child my father received a wrist band from the hospital that said "Father," now I receive a wristband saying "Significant Other." The nurse replied, "well honey, you have to understand around here, a married couple where the husband is the biological father of the baby isn't the norm." And from our observation she was right, the place was crammed full of young girls with useless and uncomfortable looking gangsta "boyfriends" who hold the baby as though it was an alien, spend their time watching their girlfriends TV, and then cut out as soon as possible. One maternity nurse apologized but said that if she and the staff got their way, the wristband for them would read "Sperm Donor." She said that she has learned to treat the Grandma in the way she would the father, because in her experience is that it's grandma who ends up "raising" the child anyway.

But, I'm told this is what "progress" looks like and that it's much better than biblical ethics or the kind of marriage and child-rearing that the bible teaches. Apparently progress means that we look and act more and more like a pack of wild dogs every day. Well society, no thanks, I'll pass on progress and stick to the old paths.

As I said, it is difficult, and near impossible for military families to stay faithful and raise up children, but it is possible. I've seen it done and can point to families that have succeeded in spite of careers spent in the military. My experience has been that here as in salvation the key is contained in Matthew 19:26.

- SEAGOON

[BigGun]

Dang Seagoon....reading your account sure does sound like a lot of judgements you make of people based on appearence and knowing nothing of their personnal circumstances. Hmmm...now what was that thing the bible says about judging others??...can't remember the verse, but pretty sure it is in there somewhere.

[Seagoon]

Hello BigGun,

Originally posted by BigGun
Dang Seagoon....reading your account sure does sound like a lot of judgements you make of people based on appearence and knowing nothing of their personnal circumstances. Hmmm...now what was that thing the bible says about judging others??...can't remember the verse, but pretty sure it is in there somewhere.

The verse you are looking for is Matthew 7:1 "Judge not, that you be not judged" which has replaced John 3:16 as the best known verse from the bible in all of America. That's the one verse from the bible which, when taken out of context, everyone likes. Its far more popular than say: "Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. which comes only twelve verses later.

Anywho BigGun if I gave you the impression that I came to a snap decision based on appearances, or that I think I have a right or duty to feel superior to others, please forgive me. I assure you that neither of those are the case. I should have mentioned that any comments I make on dogpack morality are being made by an ex-member.

The comments regarding the hospital are actually not based primarily on my observations. They are based largely on three long conversations with experienced nurses (including the RN in charge of a maternity ward in a Philadelphia area hospital) who work there and from having spent a lot of time in hospitals, either for the birth of my own children, or visiting members of my congregation. I also get to speak with hospital chaplains and other pastors who visit frequently, so I assure you my conclusions weren't based simply on a desire to go and judge others and then come to snap decisions.

The other observations come from several years of pastoring in a military town, and the data that I get from speaking with troops, chaplains, officers, JAG lawyers, and reading stats. You can of course feel free to differ with my conclusions, I understand we live in a time when the only thing that cannot be tolerated is an unwillingness to tolerate everything and accept that there are no absolutes and that everything is relative. But hey, my experience is that there is a narrow way that leads to life, and a broad way that leads inevitably to destruction.

- SEAGOON

[J_A_B]

"Now exactly the opposite is true in the USA. We are awash in porn, no fault divorce..."


I don't think porn has any effect on whether people cheat on each other, at least not among people who are happy with each other deep down.  Granted, if you married an ugly person and don't really like him/her, it's possible that stuff like porn might make you all that much more aware of your own dissatisfaction, but then the porn isn't the root cause.  Of course, if you ARE happy with your spouse, that porno has little to no appeal; I find that porno is so boring and silly it isn't even worth my time (I'd rather watch C-Span) and the "actresses" aren't any better looking than my wifey anyway.

No fault divorce probably hasn't affected extramarital affairs, but it doubtlessly contributed to society's generally low opinion of the institution of marriage.  Even I have that opinion--as it stands in current society, marriage no longer serves any purpose.  Two people simply living with each other share as much commitment as a married couple has these days.

I suspect another major contributor to the decline of the traditional family unit is how badly most courts always screw over the man in any sort of breakup.  We have one judge in my own county who ALWAYS assumes the man must be at fault no matter what (eg. if the wife was cheating on the guy, it's still his fault somehow).  Unsurprisingly, the marriage rate has been sinking like a rock here, and it's the same story across much of the country.  A lot of men are deathly afraid of forming any sort of commitment with a woman due to the legal threat, and it's that much worse if the woman already has a kid.


I think, to an extent, the issue of marriage sort of gets in the way of the truth that cheating on someone is wrong.  It's wrong when you're married, but it's wrong when you're not married, too--and it's also wrong for single people to knowingly sleep with married men or women.

J_A_B

[GtoRA2]

Originally posted by Chairboy
I get the weird impression from some of the posts here that it's tacitly ok for deployed military to have extra-marital sex, but not for the spouse at home.

Anyone else?

Not in my book, a cheater is a cheater, currently serving, or a wife or just a normal husband or wife.


When you get married you give you word you won't cheat, if you are to much of a slimey pile of dung to stick to that... you are worthless scum.


You want to **** anything that moves, don't get married. You are married and want to **** around get a divorce. Don't use the same excuse childmelestors use.

You want to get married but cant keep it (dick/or girlparts) in your pants for you spouse only, please do not reproduce, cause your kids will be worthless just like you.