Author Topic: Advice for wives with deployed husbands (Read 642 times)

Seagoon · « **on:** April 19, 2006, 04:02:58 PM »

Hi Guys,

I know some of you have co-workers, friends, and family with husbands who are deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan and I wanted to make an audio resource available especially for wives going through their first or second deployment experience.

A little while ago one of the ladies in our church spoke to our Titus 2 women's group on the subject of "Surviving and Thriving Through the Deployment Cycle." Her qualifications for being able to address this subject include:

She served as officer in the Army herself including deployments to the gulf
She has been married for many years to a Green Beret officer
She is the mother of 5 kids
She has been the leader of an FRG (Family Readiness Group) for several years
She has been through dozens of deployments and TDYs and learned how to survive them

Hopefully it will have some tips that might be useful to wives going through the same thing.

Here is the MP3 audio link to the talk

- SEAGOON

ASTAC · « **Reply #1 on:** April 19, 2006, 04:05:53 PM »

No one seems to worry about us Husbands that actually have to deploy. It sucks just as much on our end of it.

I mean geez it's only half a year (at least in the Navy) sometimes more but not too often.

Curval · « **Reply #2 on:** April 19, 2006, 04:10:00 PM »

My advise would be to send nekid pictures and not fool around while hubby is away.

I feel strongly about both points....sorry Seagoon.

J_A_B · « **Reply #3 on:** April 19, 2006, 04:16:43 PM »

"fool around while hubby is away."

People who do that deserve to be stoned to death. Men too, for those men who have wives in the military.

J_A_B

Seagoon · « **Reply #4 on:** April 19, 2006, 04:20:56 PM »

ASTAC, hopefully even the Navy gives you advice on what to do when you deploy. If not, try to look useful and remember not to leave without permission.

But seriously, my experience has been that while even the greenest recruit has tons of training and information thrown his way about what to do when he is over there, very, very little practical information is given to the wives and mothers who are left behind. The assumption is often, "they aren't going anywhere, how tough can it be to just stay home for 9 months?" Few people realize how difficult those months of being without a husband and/or a father can be. Unfortunately, as a result, two of the most popular options are go home to mom and dad - which can be disastrous as far as maintaining a marriage is concerned, or simply stress out, then file for divorce.

You'd be amazed at the long-term effects this has on troop retention, especially when guys realize that re-upping will probably mean the end of their marriage. I know plenty of men who are more afraid that the result of their tour in Iraq will be that they end-up only being able to visit their children on weekends and holidays than that they will get killed or seriously injured. Statistically speaking, they are much more likely to lose their family than their life while deployed.

- SEAGOON

ASTAC · « **Reply #5 on:** April 19, 2006, 04:21:14 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by J_A_B
"fool around while hubby is away."

People who do that deserve to be stoned to death. Men too, for those men who have wives in the military.

J_A_B

Not always just the ones that were left behind...On my last ship we had 45 females as part of our "integrated" crew..of that about half were married...but all 45 hooked up with someone on the ship...and most of the time with married men.

J_A_B · « **Reply #6 on:** April 19, 2006, 04:26:55 PM »

Good point ASTAC, and I agree with you--those who go and fool around are every bit as bad.

J_A_B

GtoRA2 · « **Reply #7 on:** April 19, 2006, 05:04:23 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by J_A_B
Good point ASTAC, and I agree with you--those who go and fool around are every bit as bad.

J_A_B

Carefull, you are going to upset the people on the board, who can't controll themselves and think cheating is perfectly fine. (for them I am sure they would feel different if they were the cheaty).

Cause we are just animals too you know? We can't controll urges any better then the animals and thats the perfect reason to cheat on your spose.

Your word, and not lying and honor mean little in the face of the animal urges of some.

Vudak · « **Reply #8 on:** April 19, 2006, 06:26:15 PM »

Hey thanks Seagoon, I have a friend whose husband is out there right now. I'll send her the link.

rabbidrabbit · « **Reply #9 on:** April 19, 2006, 07:04:00 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by ASTAC
Not always just the ones that were left behind...On my last ship we had 45 females as part of our "integrated" crew..of that about half were married...but all 45 hooked up with someone on the ship...and most of the time with married men.

I would like to meet this "someone" some day. He is one lucky dog.

daimian · « **Reply #10 on:** April 19, 2006, 07:58:59 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by ASTAC
Not always just the ones that were left behind...On my last ship we had 45 females as part of our "integrated" crew..of that about half were married...but all 45 hooked up with someone on the ship...and most of the time with married men.

thats just the way it is. people get horny. a military occupation isnt good for a long term relationship. why do they keep recruiting married folks and wonder about the divrorce rate, its beyond me.

fartwinkle · « **Reply #11 on:** April 19, 2006, 09:54:57 PM »

Jodie's got yer girl:eek:

There would be no where to hide if i were in the military and my wife cheated on me.
It would be a death sentence for her the dude she did it with and everyone in his family i could find before the cops got me.

There is no excuse for any wife or husband of a military person serving this country to cheat period! get a divorce but dont cheat while he or she is out risking there lives for us.

Chairboy · « **Reply #12 on:** April 19, 2006, 10:04:49 PM »

I get the weird impression from some of the posts here that it's tacitly ok for deployed military to have extra-marital sex, but not for the spouse at home.

Anyone else?

Hangtime · « **Reply #13 on:** April 19, 2006, 10:22:32 PM »

As long as there's been a military, there's been military wives left at home. This ain't a 'new' condition.

But, in a touchy-feely weepy gutless kinda way; thanks to the terrific job we've done as parents and as a society in rearing our young, we've got a marvelous excuse mechanisim with a manual for wives on how to do what they should have the common sense to do from jump street.

So.. here it is.. my Rant of The Week:

"Dottie, quit feeling sorry for yourself, quit blaming your husband, quit blaming the Army, quit hanging out in bars and quit humping the neighboorhood. He's doing his job, and if you don't love him and can't remain faithful and won't give him your support and understanding while he does his thankless duty... a DUTY, you vacuous ditz; that men have been doing to preserve the saftey of their women and childern since history BEGAN...

.. then, you dumb spoiled whiney brat; WTF did you get married FOR?"

Sheesh.

Vudak · « **Reply #14 on:** April 19, 2006, 11:44:48 PM »

Quote

Originally posted by Chairboy
I get the weird impression from some of the posts here that it's tacitly ok for deployed military to have extra-marital sex, but not for the spouse at home.

Anyone else?

It's been that way for thousands of years, nothin' new here.