Florida Gators Kill 3 Women

[Pooh21]

if Steve Irwin comes and sticks his thumb up every gators bum they wont be so uppity

[ASTAC]

My EX-wife lives in Central Florida....Why can't they eat her?

Oh well maybe she'll decide to go swimmin' in the river soon.

[storch]

the problem can be traced back to the ill advised policies of the federal gubment and their endangered species lists.  alligators have made an amazing come back, there are currently more alligators than people in many Florida counties, furthermore what we have with this alligator and bear scourge in the USA is a prime example of why everyone should be well armed and allowed to discharge firearms in an emergency anywhere.  In my beloved Florida we already have this sound policy.  sadly these women did not excercise their right to be armed while galavanting around in alligator country.  the answer is always more guns and less creatures.  we need the parking space.

[Shuckins]

Coming to a television set near you:

"Crikey! This shure is sum murhkee watah!  We'll 'aveta be extrah careful!"

"Crikey!  Ah gatuh's got me buy the laig!  An ee's a big won two!  Look at the size a those taith!"

"Crikey! There's anuther won!"

[Westy]

Octavious, are those bones on the river bank!  

Crikey!!


(wonder if either of the other two were wives who'd bee "accidently" lost to alligators by loving, caring husbands)

[Eagler]

the drought has lowered water levels everywhere, see Oct's photo ...  that has decreased their living space a great deal.
I've lived in Florida 40 of my 47 years, been around water a much of that time and have never felt threatened by a gator, though a 12ft'er swooshing off a hydrilla bed 20ft in front of your 10ft canoe in the Hillsborough River will wake you up
One of those reported this weekend isn't even a confirmed gator attack, they just found the gator munching on her dead body - she may have had a heart attack before hand - but that ain't news..

I guess if it ain't sharks eatin the inbreeds in FL, it's gators lol

[Habu]

When the gators were hunted to the point of being endangered most of the big ones were gone. The smaller ones leave big prey alone so you could have gone swimming with them and they would not have attacked you.

People got the impression that they were not dangerous. However once they grow to a size where they can take down a human guess what? They do!

After 30 years of being protected there are now many that are well over 10' long. I predict more attacks until they allow hunting of the large ones.

[Red Tail 444]

Originally posted by Pooh21
I wonder what goes through ones head when you see a few off your limbs go down a carnivorous reptiles gullet 6 ft away.

They actually drown their prey before eating it. Chances are the women were in shock long before they died anyway. You people have a pretty sick sense of humor.

[Glasses]

I don't see it as sick I call it healthy, vigoruous, athletic humour.

[Angus]

They drag you down to the mud, and you're dead from either chrunch bloodloss or drowning. Anyway, a bad way to go.
With big ones around, I'd say BBQ time (alligator meat is told to be very tasty), or never go jogging without a pitchfork, Katana, Claymore, or a Shotgun

[indy007]

This is gonna sound kinda strange, but it's supposed to be true. My mother worked for the Charleston Wildlife Department once upon a time. Appearently campers/hikers/cook-outers/whoever would get the bright idea to feed the gators marshmallows... The gators love them. So much so, that after you run out, they'll run you down & kill you for the empty bag. Appearently it's happened more than once there.

So let that be a lesson to everybody. Gators & Smores don't mix.

[eagl]

I think those boys from Duke got upstaged by some boys from Florida...  Yea they might have assaulted a stripper, but those Florida Gators killed 3 joggers and tried to eat them!  Don't need to be NCAA champs to get headlines, no sir!

Goes to show what's better in the US, rugby or football.

[Holden McGroin]

BATON ROUGE, LA, ONION—In a breakthrough study that contradicts decades of understanding about the nature of alligator–drunkard relations, Louisiana State University researchers have concluded that people's drunkenness does not impair the ancient reptiles' ability to inflict enormous physical harm.

Alligators exhibit the potential to inflict serious harm, regardless of the blood-alcohol levels of their victims. "Our data strongly indicates that human intoxication does not transform an alligator into a docile creature that enjoys wrestling," said professor Ryder McCrory, chair of the Wildlife Taunting Department of LSU's prestigious Center For Bullying And Hazing Studies. "Despite its slow-witted demeanor and tendency to bask motionlessly in the hot sun, it's a mistake to believe that an alligator will passively tolerate a half nelson, no matter how much Southern Comfort is fueling it."

McCrory said the study yielded statistics that speak for themselves.
"In 10 out of 10 documented cases of violent alligator–drunkard encounters, the reptile was not influenced by the fact that the victim was 'just kidding' or 'just having some fun,'" McCrory said.

To an alligator, McCrory explained, a human forearm, even drunkenly dangled between the creature's casually opened jaws, still appears to be prey.

In field experiments, members of the control group performed no better-—and often far worse—than their sober counterparts in defending themselves against a 300-pound, seven-foot bull alligator. Even when armed with an empty tequila bottle.

"At best, the bottles bounced harmlessly off the alligator's snout," said LSU research assistant Tracy Sawyer.

When placed in water, the drunken volunteers fared even worse, and the alligator markedly better, Sawyer said.

In addition, the alligators far outperformed their inebriated human counterparts in the following areas: lunging, biting, crushing, dismembering, and swallowing.

According to the study, an alligator's characteristic grin should not be interpreted as a lighthearted reaction to the outrageous nerve of an alcohol-addled human. "Don't let an alligator's easygoing appearance fool you," Sawyer said. "These creatures have no empathy for drunken pranksters looking for fun. They are not black bears."

McCrory recommended that alligator wrestling be undertaken solely by professionals, specifically roadside-attraction proprietors. For drunkards interested in proving their mettle with alligators, the researchers proposed these guidelines:

Instead of baiting an alligator, seek another form of drunken recreation, such as attending a strip club, burning a pile of tires, or painting one's buttocks with a funny face and videotaping it.

Sick or infant deer are considered a far safer match for most inebriated humans; kicking a raccoon or squirrel already dying by the side of the road is also recommended.

Experts suggest that those who become aggressive after consuming alcohol would be safer channeling that energy into more constructive behavior, such as calling an ex-lover.

And McCrory warned drunkards who "absolutely must assault an alligator while inebriated" to first make sure it is not a John Deere Gator cargo utility vehicle. This oversight "is a common occurrence," he said.

[Hap]

Originally posted by lasersailor184
Grab an average person, put them in a ring with a gator and a knife.  

is that a metaphor?

hap

[john9001]

Originally posted by lasersailor184
Grab an average person, put them in a ring with a gator and a knife.  Who will come out ontop?

how big a knife?


did you miss the recent news story where a old lady in Fla was attacked by a gator, it grabbed her leg and she smacked it on the nose with her garden hose. she said the gator let her go and ran off.  don't mess with old ladies watering their garden.